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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

The great american dream...or is it?

last february 9, i received word that i got selected for a teaching job in virginia beach city. my initial reaction was..."ok...so what happens next?" yeah, i felt...okay. contented that i finally got an answer after waiting for more than 3 months in a row. the news also, somehow, gave me a reassurance that i'm still doing well in this profession. only five teachers, out of more than a thousand applicants, were selected from three major cities within the country.

and so what now?

i wasn't ecstatic because of a couple of reasons:
1) since i'm going there on my own, i'll have to leave my daughter behind...with her dad. it poses a great risk on my part to be "en absencia" while my 9-yr old needs a mother to be with her. i must admit...i am threatened by the idea that she just might forget about me...forget about her love for me...

2) i am penniless...and what's worse? i have to depend on my daughter's dad for financial assistance...

darn.

the weekend passed and, as usual, i spent it with my daughter...i broke the news to her and she was so glad that i made it...all the more that i wanted to spend the whole time just hugging her and kissing her, exchanging stories about her friends and my (mis)adventures with men who make "porma" (oh yeah! can't carry that alias for nothing!). but time flies so fast and in no time, the weekend retreat with my one and only loved one is over...

monday came and i received news that the school who will be hiring me will pay the agent's fees that would amount to a hefty $4,500! whoa! i was astounded! not too many teachers get the same privilege! in that euphoric state, i literally dropped down on the floor like a rag doll, trying to feel the thump as i landed on my butt...was i dreaming? i couldn't believe what i just heard! and when i was finally sure that i wasn't simply imagining things, i let out a soft scream (heheheh...yes, you know what i mean ^-^). then it dawned on me...my God is so good, He knows exactly what's in my heart.

i took this as a sign that my God really wants me to take this opportunity, to see and welcome the fact that i've been "down" for so long now, that He's giving me this chance to start anew. "...when you're down, there's no other way to go but up..." says my friend. i thought that the distance between me and my daughter will be temporary as i promised to come back for her. i thought that i have to sacrifice a bit for a greater cause (my ex was diagnosed to have cancer of the parotid gland in 1999 and is currently on remission. being the other parent, it's my responsibility to prepare for my daughter's future if in case her dad suffers a recurrence.). life would certainly be not easy when you're alone, but realities and entanglements of it should serve as inspiration to go on and do better!

is this the fulfillment of the great american dream? i'd say yes, but a greater part of me says no. when a filipino teacher leaves her country, it is not because she's lost her sense of nationality and service to her fellow countrymen...to her, *teaching minds, touching hearts and transforming lives remains her overriding concern...to feed her family and ensure a brighter future for them, however, is equally paramount...it's in our nature...i hope no one argues with that.


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my plans are clearer now...

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i'm not worried anymore that my daughter will forget about me...
she took nourishment from me and breathed the same air i breathed
when she was inside me...
no one can change that...

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i will miss my students...specially those who left special imprints in my life.

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*a Lasallian teacher's creed