Friday, May 21, 2004

maiden voyage

it's been quite a while since i finally resolved to write a blog...again...but have not really found the right motivation to do it...i guess, there are just too many significant things that have happened recently that i couldn't help but sit down and start typing along.

today, i woke up this morning, feeling so heavy, as i was burdened with guilt for hurting a good friend's feelings...why? i have questioned his integrity as a friend when all this time, he has shown nothing but kindness and respect...i guess it all stemmed out from the fact that he never disclosed to me what his true intentions least, not in a concise manner...

what was my issue?..i didn't know what his intentions were in wanting to have an immigrant's status in the US...i've offered to extend a little privilege to him, expecting nothing in return, just so he will be able to experience this "new life" that he's been longing for in a foreign land...i offered to help because i care for him...

anyway, since i knew that what i did was something really, really bad (dahil hindi pa raw ipinapanganak ang taong makakapikon sa, i guess, i took the first shot at it), i apologized through text (texting can be sooo annoying because of the absence of real emotions...yet, the filipino race seems to be so dependent on it)...hiyang-hiya ako...and he replied: "...hi! gud morning! it's not that i dont want to go, di ba i said i'm 95% sure (yeah right!). kaya lang i felt sa txt mo that u'r not clear abt my intentions & that i may jst be using u. i dont want u to entertain thos thots kc it wil jeopardize our friendshp kaya i said wag na lang. yun lang naman. but if dat's not wat u meant & it was meant to be in jest, then cge let's continue. di ba? unles ikaw yung nagbago?..."

well, although i felt better after reading that, i still prodded him to tell me honestly if he's sure that there were no more hard feelings for me...and he assured me that "...when a friend apologizes to me, i hav no reason 2 question her/his sincerity..." after that, i felt so good i was smiling the entire day!

my friend Martin (not his real name) is the epitome of a real gentleman...the things that he said to me today, are all reflective of a person who's nature is to nurture...

i'm happy to have known Martin as he gives me a new perspective in, i'm starting to believe that not all men are jerks...that there is still innate goodness in most people...that it is alright to go out and start trusting men again...that it is not alright to settle for just anything, specially if it is so obnoxious, thinking that getting used to it is a normal part of living...something obnoxious is bad think that it's alright to have it just because one is obliged to have or live with it, is simply preposterous! i am happy to have met Martin...i liken myself to a ship that's about to sail for the first's maiden voyage...i'm going to sail on through life with a vision in mind and heart that i can redeem myself and do better as a life is about to berth and i'm rarin' to go on board :)

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