It would be K, no doubt about it. Anywhere should be fun, but I would like to go to Lake Tahoe :)
I like writing online...aside from pouring out my emotions and things that just happen to tickle my innermost thoughts, there's a number of things that I need to jot down as they start to crowd my head in sheer discombobulation ...as i rethink them, i edit, copy, paste, crop... use words befitting the characters, edit all i want...in my own sweet time...this is my private portal and I love it!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
If you won a $1,000 shopping spree for any store, which store would you pick?
Nowadays, a thousand dollars isn't really that much. But given the choice, I'd pick Pier 1 :)
If you had access to a time machine, where and when would be the first place you travel to?
I would like to be teleported 10 years from now. I think the place is immaterial...it all depends on what I will become...successful or not.
What music are you listening to today?
Vitamin String Quartet's Don't Stop Believin'....and some country music (don't ask me why).
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
What/Who makes you smile these days?
Friends like you, Doc :) For the record, you always make me smile. And sometimes, students who come back just to say that they wish their teacher was good like me :) Isn't that sweet?
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Apple Crisp a la Shelby
So after savoring my scrumptious desert, I asked her for the ingredients and how to bake it. I had the chance to use Lissette's beautiful kitchen and so I was inspired to make some glorious treat for me, and for some people I love :)
Here are the ingredients:
6-7 pieces of apple, peeled, cored and sliced into wedges
(You may want to soak the apples in water to prevent it from getting brown)
1 cup of flour
1 1/2 cup of sugar
3/4 tsp of salt
1 raw egg, unbeaten
1/3 cup of melted and cooled butter for drizzling
1 tbsp of melted butter for buttering the pan
cinnamon powder
2 8"x8" pans
1) Pre-heat the oven to 325 degrees.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
May I ask you...
Did you feel the same way too?
but it's caused me to act in such a crazy way.
Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doing...
it's a feeling I don't understand
'Cause my heart starts beating triple time,
with thoughts of loving you on my mind.
I can't figure out just what to do,
when the cause and cure is you.
I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.
I lose all control and something takes over me.
In a daze you look so amazing,
it's not a phase, I want you to stay with me
by my side, I swallow my pride
your love is so sweet.
It knocks me right off of my feet....
I can't explain why your loving makes me weak.
Time after time after time I've tried to fight it.
But your love is strong it keeps on holding on.
Resistance is down when you're around, prides fading.
In my condition I don't want to be alone.
'Cause my heart starts beating triple time,
with thoughts of loving you on my mind.
I can't figure out just what to do,
when the cause and cure is you.
I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.
I lose all control and something takes over me.
In a daze you look so amazing,
it's not a phase, I want you to stay with me
by my side, I swallow my pride
your love is so sweet.
It knocks me right off of my feet....
I can't explain why your loving makes me weak.
I try hard to fight it.
No way can I deny it.
Your love's so sweet.
knocks me off my feet.
I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.
I lose all control and something takes over me.
In a daze you look so amazing,
it's not a phase, I want you to stay with me
by my side, I swallow my pride
your love is so sweet.
It knocks me right off of my feet....
I can't explain why your loving makes me weak.
I get so weak...
Blood starts racing through my veins
I get so weak...
Boy it's something I can't explain.
I get so weak...
Something 'bout the way you do
the things you do ooh ooh, it...
knocks me right off of my feet,
off of my feet.
Can't explain why your loving makes me weak.
I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.
I lose all control and something takes over me.
In a daze you look so amazing,
it's not a phase, I want you to stay with me
by my side, I swallow my pride
your love is so sweet.
It knocks me right off of my feet....
I can't explain why your loving makes me weak.
Monday, July 05, 2010
I didn't say I don't like your green shirt...

That was the third date that I first saw the green Mickey Mouse shirt. I don't mean to be whimsical about it, but I thought it looked good on you. I have a penchant for the extraordinary, and that unusual shade of green, I thought, looked really hot on you.
If only to prove my point, here are the reasons why I (also) like green:
#1 I used to teach at the De La Salle Santiago Zobel School, the home of the Junior Green Archers. Of all the schools in the Philippines where I used to teach, DLSZ is closest to my heart. It is here where I became the educator that I am (I'd like to think that I am good because VB hired me lol). That being said, I have embraced green and white as the colors of my La Sallian spirit.

#2 If I like blue more than green, then I would have aimed to teach at the rival school :) Although the reputation of Ateneo de Manila High School is irrefutably remarkable, at no cost will I have relinquished my post at DLSZ for one at the ADMHS.
#3 Green reminds me of life, of the air we breathe, the beauty of nature...TREES!!! I'm a tree hugger! :)
#4 Green is my daughter's favorite color.

#5 Green is my blog's new color scheme.
and finally,
#6 Green is the color of my first car! I had an '83 Mitsubishi Box-type Lancer.
You see, when I said that I like your green shirt, that wasn't a political statement :) After all, green becomes you (more than yellow)!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Gerard Butler, huh? any specific reason why?
He's hot and gorgeous, I love his accent, and he's a fine actor :) the beard is so really sexy too lol
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Sunrise
I have a feeling it won't happen again...but the thought of it makes my heart sing :)
"And now the night
Will throw its cover down, on me again
Ooh, and if I'm right
It's the only way to bring me back...
to you."
Monday, March 22, 2010
Sway my way...
i didn't plan to see you that night, but since i was in the area and needed to feed myself, i thought you may want to swing by so you can give me back the iPod. i guess by now you already know how my face contorts with my emotions...very transparent, very expressive. i don't like it because it gives me away...but i couldn't hide the sadness, the disappointment, the smarting deep down.
but hey, you were sensitive and saw all that...so you offered to talk...
it was nice of you to slide over the bean bag... it was nice to lean on something that will absorb all the negative vibes...but i still felt cold...inside and out...maybe it was just the room temperature, or the overwhelming cold brought by sadness...
i went around to go to your side...took your arm so i can lay my head on your strong shoulder, spooned up facing away from you...can't let you see me tearing...
i felt the warm hand slide over to my side...strong and reassuring, warm and comforting...i knew it...i couldn't hold back anymore, I had to let it off my chest.
warm tears started rolling down my cheeks...i sobbed silently...I felt a bit embarassed by that outburst, but i just couldn't help it...
then you slid your hand inside my jacket to warm my back...your palm on my skin felt so good...that hit the spot! and right there, right that very moment, i just had to release all the pent up emotions...i know you'd understand how a human being would need another at times like this...
i looked up to you, wiped my tears with my knuckles...just like a little girl who had lost her toy...with droopy sad eyes, all i can say was, "sorry...now i look ugly..." you smiled back and said..."no, you don't..."
you have a way of making me feel good...thank you...
"...And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart...
it's all because of you"
Monday, February 01, 2010
Black Ice
I thought you were just kidding. The mere idea of braving very dangerous conditions like this made me think that there's no way you could be serious about picking me up...not until two hours later...
You could have made it to NC for having traveled four hours back and forth. For a 20-yr old, braving a snow storm is called folly...but for a 39-yr old, you called it adventure.

I stood by the glass door facing the vast and sparkly whiteness that blanketed grazing land. As I felt your arms wrap around me in a sweet embrace, your towering presence filled me with calming warmth...your face pressed against my hair, my back to your robust chest...for a few minutes there, time stood still...and nothing seem to have mattered except you and me.
I thought it was unusual as this snow storm, for someone to risk driving for four hours through snow and rain. A test of patience and determination to press on...truly impressive...and for what? A prize that only you can understand and appreciate...valued beyond comprehension. But that's just you :)
You know how black ice forms underneath the frozen slush? It's transparent, very slippery and treacherous...just like you. When the sun comes back up, it will melt away, not to be noticed, as if it was never there in the first place...just like you.
Here's a song you should hear...for you, your creative hands, your strong spirit, and your restless mind.
Song For A Winter's Night
The lamp is burning low upon my table top
the snow is softly falling
The air is still within the silence of my room
I hear your voice softly calling
If I could only have you near to breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands
I love on this winter night with you
The smoke is rising in the shadows overhead
my glass is almost empty
I read again between the lines upon the page
the words of love you sent me
If I could know within my heart
that you were lonely too
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
upon this winter night with you
The fire is dying now, my lamp is growing dim
the shades of night are lifting
The morning light steals across my windowpane
where webs of snow are drifting
If I could only have you near
to breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
and to be once again with with you
To be once again with with you
Thursday, December 17, 2009
*Now Winter Come Slowly
I made it back to my SUV, turned on the heat, and headed towards your place...a song kept playing in my head...a sweet melody that tuned in with my mood.
The ride was pretty short, and as I pulled into your driveway, I told myself, good things are never made to last...but that's not for certain...If I turned away from this, I know I'd regret an eternity of not having known the wonder that was set before me.
You left the front door open so I ushered myself in...and there you were at the foyer, beaming with that smile...a little treat that takes me to heaven...and back :)
Guess by now you already know how attached I am to my iPod...the song was "Angel", one of the many Jack Johnson songs I listen to...the song was pretty, so I shared my earphones, drawing you closer...your hands wrapped around my waist, my arms around your strong shoulders...the song created this sweet, sweet rhythm that we swayed slowly to...those deep blue eyes staring back at me...you must have seen the void...
There was warmth in that encounter...fleeting, yet sweet. Now winter come slowly...I don't mind the inevitable cold you bring...meantime, I need to pause and keep this memory.
*Now Winter Come Slowly is a Sting song included in his new album If On A Winter's Night
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
California Dreaming
to be continued...with pictures!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
How to spot a sociopath
While such personality disorders as psychopathy, paranoia and obsession/compulsion all have strictly defined criteria, psychiatrists are still struggling to decide precisely what constitutes a socialised psychopath.
One of the more obvious characteristics of socialised psychopaths is that they give the impression of talking "at" you. Prof Jeremy Coid describes it as like being regarded as a cardboard cut-out. "Even in a sexual relationship with them, you are still just an object for their personal gratification," he says.
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The following questionnaire is based on research and experiences of socialised psychopaths. For each trait, decide if it applies to the person you suspect may be a socialised psychopath, fully (2 points), partially (1 point) or not at all (0 points).
Do they have problems sustaining stable relationships, personally and in business?
Do they frequently manipulate others to achieve selfish goals, with no consideration of the effects on those manipulated?
Are they cavalier about the truth, and capable of telling lies to your face?
Do they have an air of self-importance, regardless of their true standing in society?
Have they no apparent sense of remorse, shame or guilt?
Is their charm superficial, and capable of being switched on to suit immediate ends?
Are they easily bored and demand constant stimulation?
Are their displays of human emotion unconvincing?
Do they enjoy taking risks, and acting on reckless impulse?
Are they quick to blame others for their mistakes?
As teenagers, did they resent authority, play truant and/or steal?
Do they have no qualms about sponging off others?
Are they quick to lose their temper?
Are they sexually promiscuous?
Do they have a belligerent, bullying manner?
Are they unrealistic about their long-term aims?
Do they lack any ability to empathise with others?
Would you regard them as essentially irresponsible?
A score of 25 or above suggests strong psychopathic tendencies. This does not mean the person is a potential mass-murderer: socialised psychopaths are not mad, nor do they have to resort to violence. Even so, a close professional or emotional relationship with a socialised psychopath is likely to prove a damaging experience.
Inside the Mind of a Sociopath
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Imagine - if you can - not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern of the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members. Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken. And pretend that the concept of responsibility is unknown to you, except as a burden others seem to accept without question, like gullible fools. Now add to this strange fantasy the ability to conceal from other people that your psychological makeup is radically different from theirs. Since everyone simply assumes that conscience is universal among human beings, hiding the fact that you are conscience-free is nearly effortless. You are not held back from any of your desires by guilt or shame, and you are never confronted by others for your cold-bloodedness. The ice water in your veins is so bizarre, so completely outside of their personal experience that they seldom even guess at your condition.
In other words, you are completely free of internal restraints, and your unhampered liberty to do just as you please, with no pangs of conscience, is conveniently invisible to the world. You can do anything at all, and still your strange advantage over the majority of people, who are kept in line by their consciences, will most likely remain undiscovered.
How will you live your life? What will you do with your huge and secret advantage, and with the corresponding handicap of other people (conscience)? The answer will depend largely on just what your desires happen to be, because people are not all the same. Even the profoundly unscrupulous are not all the same. Some people - whether they have a conscience or not - favor the ease of inertia, while others are filled with dreams and wild ambitions. Some human beings are brilliant and talented, some are dull-witted, and most, conscience or not, are somewhere in between. There are violent people and non-violent ones, individuals who are motivated by blood lust and those who have no such appetites.
Maybe you are someone who craves money and power, and though you have no vestige of conscience, you do have a magnificent IQ. You have the driving nature and the intellectual capacity to pursue tremendous wealth and influence, and you are in no way moved by the nagging voice of conscience that prevents other people from doing everything and anything they have to do to succeed. You choose business, politics, the law, banking or international development, or any of a broad array of other power professions, and you pursue your career with a cold passion that tolerates none of the usual moral or legal encumbrances. When it is expedient, you doctor the accounting and shred the evidence, you stab your employees and your clients (or your constituency) in the back, marry for money, tell lethal premeditated lies to people who trust you, attempt to ruin colleagues who are powerful or eloquent, and simply steamroll over groups who are dependent and voiceless. And all of this you do with the exquisite freedom that results from having no conscience whatsoever.
You become unimaginably, unassailably, and maybe even globally successful. Why not? With your big brain, and no conscience to rein in your schemes, you can do anything at all.
Or no - let us say you are not quite such a person. You are ambitious, yes, and in the name of success you are willing to do all manner of things that people with conscience would never consider, but you are not an intellectually gifted individual. Your intelligence is above average perhaps, and people think of you as smart, maybe even very smart. But you know in your heart of hearts that you do not have the cognitive wherewithal, or the creativity, to reach the careening heights of power you secretly dreams about, and this makes you resentful of the world at large, and envious of the people around you.
As this sort of person, you ensconce yourself in a niche, or maybe a series of niches, in which you can have some amount of control over small numbers of people. These situations satisfy a little of your desire for power, although you are chronically aggravated at not having more. It chafes to be so free of the ridiculous inner voices that inhibit others from achieving great power, without having enough talent to pursue the ultimate successes yourself. Sometimes you fall into sulky, rageful moods caused by a frustration that no one but you understands.
But you do enjoy jobs that afford you a certain undersupervised control over a few individuals or small groups, preferably people and groups who are relatively helpless or in some way vulnerable. You are a teacher or a psychotherapist, a divorce lawyer or a high school coach. Or maybe you are a consultant of some kind, a broker or a gallery owner or a human services director. Or maybe you do not have a paid position and are instead the president of your condominium association, or a volunteer hospital worker, or a parent. Whatever your job, you manipulate and bully the people who are under your thumb, as often and as outrageously as you can without getting fired or held accountable. You do this for its own sake, even when it serves no purpose except to give you a thrill. Making people jump means you have power - or this is the way you see it - and bullying provides you with an adrenaline rush. It is fun.
Maybe you cannot be a CEO of a multinational corporation, but you can frighten a few people, or cause them to scurry around like chickens, or steal from them, or - maybe, best of all - create situations that cause them to feel bad about themselves. And this is power, especially when the people you manipulate are superior to you in some way. Most invigorating of all is to bring down people who are smarter or more accomplished than you, or perhaps classier, more attractive or popular or morally admirable. This is not only good fun; it is existential vengeance. And without a conscience, it is amazingly easy to do. You quietly lie to the boss or to the boss's boss, cry some crocodile tears, or sabotage a coworker's project, or gaslight a patient (or child), bait people with promises, or provide a little misinformation that will never be traced back to you.
Or now let us say you are a person who has a proclivity for violence or for seeing violence done. You simply murder your coworker, or have her murdered - or your boss, or your ex-spouse, or your wealthy lover's spouse, or anyone else who bothers you. You have to be careful, because if you slip up, you may be caught and punished by the system. But you will never be confronted by your conscience, because you have no conscience. If you decide to kill, the only difficulties will be the external ones. Nothing inside you will ever protest.
Provided you are not forcibly stopped, you can do anything at all. If you are born at the right time, with some access to family fortune, and you have a special talent for whipping up other people's hatred and sense of deprivation, you can arrange to kill large numbers of unsuspecting people. With enough money, you can accomplish this from far away, and you can sit back safely and watch in satisfaction. In fact, terrorism (done from a distance) is the ideal occupation for a person who is possessed of blood lust and no conscience, because if you do it just right, you may be able to make a whole nation jump. And if that is not power, what is?
Or let us imagine the opposite extreme: You have no interest in power. To the contrary, you are the sort of person who really does not want much of anything. Your only real ambition is not to have to exert yourself to get by. You do not want to work like everyone else does. Without a conscience, you can nap or pursue your hobbies or watch television or just hang out somewhere all day long. Living a bit on the fringes, and with some handouts from relatives and friends, you can do this indefinitely. People may whisper to one another that you are an underachiever, or that you are depressed, a sad case, or, in contrast, if they get angry, they may grumble that you are lazy. When they get to know you better, and get really angry, they may scream at you and call you a loser, a bum. But it will never occur to them that you literally do not have a conscience, that in such a fundamental way, your very mind is not the same as theirs.
The panicked feeling of a guilty conscience never squeezes at your heart or wakes you in the night. Despite your lifestyle, you never feel irresponsible, neglectful or so much as embarrassed, although for the sake of appearances, sometimes you pretend that you do. For example, if you are a decent observer of people and what they react to, you may adopt a lifeless facial expression, say how ashamed of your life you are, and talk about how rotten you feel. This you do only because it is more convenient to have people think you are depressed than it is to have them shouting at you all the time, or insisting that you get a job.
You notice that people who do have a conscience feel guilty when they harangue someone they believe to be "depressed" or "troubled." As a matter of fact, to you further advantage, they often feel obliged to take care of such a person. If, despite your relative poverty, you can manage to get yourself into a sexual relationship with someone, this person - who does not suspect what you are really like - may feel particularly obligated. And since all you want is not to have to work, your financier does not have to be especially rich, just relatively conscience-bound.
I trust that imagining yourself as any of these people feels insane to you, because such people are insane, dangerously so. Insane but real - they even have a label. Many mental health professionals refer to the condition of little or no conscience as "anti-social personality disorder," a non-correctable disfigurement of character that is now thought to be present in about 4 percent of the population - that is to say, one in twenty-five people. This condition of missing conscience is called by other names, too, most often "sociopathy," or the somewhat more familiar term psychopathy. Guiltlessness was in fact the first personality disorder to be recognized by psychiatry, and terms that have been used at times over the past century include manie sans délire, psychopathic inferiority, moral insanity, and moral imbecility.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
The way the cookie crumbles

Stability… in relationships and in my financial dealings.
*What is your greatest fear?*
I fear a brutal death in the hands of some psycho…I think I watch too many movies.
And perhaps just like anyone, I would fear the loss of the lives of people who are dear to me. Enough said…the mere idea of these things happening makes me pause and see my life flash before me.
*Which living person do you most admire?*
No one. This question brings out the existentialist in me.
*What is the trait you most deplore in others?*
Being dishonest. “Honesty, is such a lonely word…everyone is so untrue…” Billy Joel must agree with me…the world is so full of chronic truth twisters, two-faced BS-ers, integrity seems to be a thing long forgotten!

Hmmm…nothing, as of yet…But when I come home to the Philippines in December this year, I know I’m going to be burning a lot of moolah!!! Hahahaha
I haven’t been to other places that much, although I can truly say that San Francisco tops my list.

Photo ©2004 Michael Slater Apr 2 2004
I guess I’m just a city person, the hustle and bustle and the busy commute of Manila is what I’m so used to, it’s what I grew up with. When I came to the US, San Francisco captured my heart as it is simply…different . Just like the melting pot that is Manila, there is an explosion of diversity happening in every corner…who will not miss little Italy, or Chinatown? And of course, there’s exotic Sausalito. It’s the noise and discombobulation that left me in awe. It has a character of its own, the sloping streets lined with eclectic (not to mention, very pricey) homes, and who would forget the famous SF Bay Bridge?
Darn it…do I have to answer this? Although I can’t tolerate lying, I must admit that I have to garnish the truth sometimes…for the greater good, to maintain the peace, to delay the onset of an emotional burden for loved ones.
*Which living person do you most despise?*
My daughter’s dad.
*Which words or phrases do you most overuse?*
“Oh boy…” “Anak ng…” “Crap!”
*What is your greatest regret?*
Nothing. I am just thankful that the wheel of life is ever turning, and the things that I used to regret, have now been forgotten. All is good, and I’m hoping not to regret anything, ever, in this lifetime, again.
*Where and when were you the happiest?*
When I gave birth to my daughter…and the other one is a secret, deeply burrowed into my soul.
*What is your current state of mind?*
Haay, chaotic! Hirap maglipat ng bahay! hahaha
*If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?*
Geez…I dunno! Maybe I want the adipose cells gone???
I should correlate this to the first question. I don’t feel that I have achieved something worthy of bells and whistles, or maybe, I am just not satisfied with the things that I have done so far. I feel so mediocre sometimes, but I know I’m getting there…
Always a work in progress…that’s what I am.
*If you were to die and comeback as a person or a thing, what would it be?*
Parang gusto kong maging si Darna :)
*What is your most treasured possession?*
Most treasured…is that tantamount to the most expensive too??? Oh well, I guess it’s my truck hahaha
Bankruptcy and the loss of loved ones…although I have not experienced them (knock on wood!), I am praying that I don’t go jobless and broke, loveless and alone.
*Where would you like to live?*
Wherever my loved ones are!
*What is your favorite occupation?*
I loved it when I worked at that defunct, smalltime advertising agency. Product management agrees so much to my liking, I wish I can go back to doing it.
*What is your most marked characteristic?*
This is a toughie…I think…I’m relentless….KULIT!!!
*What is the quality you like most in a man?*
I like a man of character, a man who does what is right by God’s standards and not his own.
*What is the quality you like most in a woman?*
Endurance :)
*Who are your favorite writers?*
Gabriel Garcia Marquez; Pablo Neruda; Arthur Golden; Amy Tan; Lualhati Bautista; Mitch Albom

SUPERMAN!!!!!
*Who are your heroes in real life?*
My heroes are the men and women who dedicate their lives helping the poor, the uneducated, the homeless, the hungry and the sick. Their names will never be told, but the service they do for their fellowmen has earned them a place in heaven.
What is that you most dislike?*
I dislike my ex-husband. Need I say more?
*How would you like to die?*
Quick and painless, in my sleep.
*What is your motto?*
Trust in the Lord for He is good!
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
brooding
too soon...
give me a break
wish you were here...
wish i was there...
deception...condescending...bleed
take me home.