Tonight I can Write - a reflection on Pablo Neruda's work

by: Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, 'The night is starry and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

there are nights really, that even when the sky is clear and the stars are out, a certain feeling of sadness envelopes me...it's the feeling of emptiness and being alone when a moonlit sky like that should be viewed upon by lovers intertwined in a sweet embrace.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

yes, inasmuch as i can still feel the hurt and misery he gave me, i loved him...and sometimes, i felt that he loved me, too...he's a workahalic and dearly loved his profession...he's responsible (ah, no question about that!) and there was always food on the table. but that's all he did...his work, his parents and his other one were all that mattered to him...he forgot that he had a wife, too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.

I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.

How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

our marriage lasted for a good nine years...but only because i chose to stay. the last 5 years i slept alone, hugged only the softness of the pillows beside me...unfortunately, the pillows never hugged back...and only the cold concrete wall stared back as i cried through those nights.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.

And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.

The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing.

In the distance.My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

it's been a while since i left his house. the first few days, i felt triumphant, that finally i succeeded in leaving him...that finally, i had the strength to say "no more"...however, the years that i spent with him, no matter how excruciating, somehow left a loving imprint carved deep within me. yes, he's hurt me so...but he'll stay with me for until when, i don't know.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.

My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.

We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.

My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

i can still hear the priest's voice telling us during our canonical interview that when a man and a woman are joined in marriage, they're no longer two different people...they become one in the union made by God, though their individualities still kept intact. he probably sacrificed part of his individuality, inasmuch as i also did. although i felt that i sacrificed more of mine than he, the dictates of love was there...i didn't ask for more than he could show. and no matter how undemonstrative he was, i clutched unto hope that he probably loved me, too.

Another's. She will be another's.

As she was before my kisses. Her voice, her bright body.

Her infinite eyes.

another's...i can't speak of what has happened, but nevertheless, i have let it happen. i didn't fight for what was mine...for i also felt that we're no longer meant for each other.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.

Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer

and these the last verses that I write for her.

memories are what we make of these relationships...we gain love, we lose love...we get hurt, we feel pain, we fight back...we exult in victory, be resilient in defeat...all these...all these we can suffer and survive...they'll all pass, but memories will stay behind.

To the man i loved, thank you for these memories. i shall hold on to them even when...i become another's.