Bloggers get together!

Whenever an individual finds the mood to write, it’s basically due to some inspiration drawn from experience. Therefore, a journal (or a blog, at that) represents very intimate details about its writer. It exudes a whole gamut of ideas and gut-level personal insights which consequently render its reader to “feel” for the writer. Here, one realizes that even without seeing the writer in person, an intimate relationship, a connection, a bond ensues even in the absence of personal contact.

Last night was special :) Both writers and readers, who also alternate as pundits, had the chance to get together for a party! (Thanks to the proponents: Ms. Sassy and Yuga. Mabuhay kayo!) Needless to say, due to this so-called “intimate” relationship, it wasn’t difficult to mingle with a bunch of “strangers”, who are strangers only because most of them are known to us by their pseudonyms! Brilliant and audacious writers spoke of the mundane and humdrum…very down-to-earth…very friendly :) (Well, I had to make an explanation for not being able to write and comment for the past so many number of months. Now that I’ve resolved to be back, I’d see to it that I’ll have something to share, at least, once a week.)

The get together has signaled the start of a better relationship between the blogger and the reader. Although distanced by cyberspace, we now get to appreciate the persons behind the blog much more than ever.

Hats off to Ms. Sassy and Yuga! We look forward to another one like this :)

mahal mo siya, mahal niya'y iba...

Eto na naman itong ganitong klaseng kwento...kwento ng mahal mo siya, mahal niya'y iba.

Sabi nga dun sa isang soap, pwede namang magmahal, kahit hindi siya ang iyong nakakatuluyan. Sa totoo lang, masasabi mo lang yan, pag alam mong deep in your heart, this person feels something for you too, whether it's love or hate, there are some feelings for you, di ba? (hehehe parang malabo yung hate...but no! it only means kung hate ka niya, it's temporary and just find a way to reconcile!)

Sabi dun sa movie ng mga bagets (yeah right! baduy na kung baduy, di ko ikinahihiyang nanood ako ng Bcuz Of U! hehehe...cute yung movie ha?), tawag sa ganitong mga tao ay LOSER, o sadyang PATHETIC!

Does one really have to spread himself/herself so thinly, just to catch this person's attention? I believe that one only becomes a loser when he/she doesn't do anything at all!!! Mygas! Gone are those days na uupo ka lang at maghihintay! Anong hihintayin mo? Even when pigs can fly, hinding hindi ka papansinin ng mahal mong kaibigan kung tatayo ka lang na parang tuod, at hihintayin mong pansinin ka (buti pa nga yung puno, tinatabihan) you have to make an effort to make this person realize that you're worth his/her while.

However, your problem sets in when he/she claims to be in love with someone else...mahal mo siya, mahal niya'y iba (aduuuy!!!) *sob*

I used the word "claim" coz hanggat di pa nakakasal yang si irog mo sa honey niya, ambivalent pa rin yan! Meron nga diyang mahigit 5 taon nang mag-on... Ayun! Hanggang dun na lang pala and they split!(ooops! Pasintabi po!). Dahil ang totoo, sa paniwala ko, ang puso na marunong magmahal ay MAARING magmahal ng di lang iisang tao. But of course, one of the greatest means of showing true love is through loyalty...great love, immense sacrifice!

Ngayon, di ko sinasabing tamang mang agaw ng girlfriend o boyfriend ng iba ha! (At lalong lalo na, yung mangolekta ng bf/gf!...hmp!!!) Bad yun ha?!?!?! Pero, pag napansin ka niya (because of who you are), at nagkataong ang napansin niya ay qualities na gusto niya, that's where friendship starts (huh??? friends lang?!?...hehehe...for starters, yes!)

E pano kung friends na talaga kayo? Mmmm... kung talagang mahal mo, e di, just be there for him/her...as a true friend! someone who's sweet and understanding... someone who can give sound advice...a shoulder to lean and cry on... the usual stuff para sa mga martir ;p masamang mang agaw!!! hehehe ;p pasasaan pa yan, malay mo, mapansin ka rin...

E pano kung talagang sinabi sa yo na "sorry talaga, but i can't imagine being romantically involved with you...(ouch!)" well, kung talagang sila, sorry tsong/tsang, talagang sila. Kung hindi naman, a twist of fate may still happen (hope springs eternal!) ...pero wag mong ipagdarasal na di sila magkatuluyan o di kaya'y gayumahin mo! (tsk, tsk, tsk...me kilala ako'ng ganyan...buti na lang, di siya blogger... hehehe) ;p Sounds martir, but a relationship that is half-baked is
unlikely to be successful.

Cheer up guys! Chances are, someone's looking at you, too! Masyado ka lang busy at di mo na napapansin, o pinapansin! (minsan naman kasi, talagang walang dating eh!) So who says you're
a loser? Pathetic? Nah!!! Just perfectly in love! ;p

"Love and light!"

in recluse

I had to forgo blogging for half a year for a couple of reasons...
1) i've been back to the normal grind...schoolwork for this year is relatively heavy due to a number of good reasons; and
2) i wanted to refrain from saying anything that will certainly be used against me, and thereby, tarnish my reputation as an educator.

Anyway, i'm back, and that's all that matters...

and to whoever feels happy or slighted in whatever i write here, well...as my favorite principal would put it, "if the hat fits, wear it!"

wish ko lang...

that pretty woman holding me is one of my best friends and ninang. she's one person whom i really, really look up to coz she's done a lot of remarkable things in life that somehow inspire me to do my best as a person. she's a music-piano teacher (i can still hear her voice, yelling at me from 50 meters away, "you're hitting the wrong note!!!" ULIT!!!), a singer (well, although she may have sang only for relatives), life of the party, a perennial jester, a connoiseur in the kitchen, a wife...a loving mother...all rolled into one. she went through a lot in life, and since she's basically a very jolly person (whose raucous laughter used to awaken the sleepy and quiet neighborhood in their street in pandacan...she probably does until now in hayward), she's shown us how strong she is in the face of adversary, was able to weather all storms in her life (well, almost)and emerged as a person of great personality!...warm, very level-headed, very understanding, versatile...very smart!

i may have not said this yet, but ninang, thank you so much for the friendship, the love, the undying support...everything! i've been truly remiss at writing...heto pambawi ko sa yo!

God bless you always and goodluck to grandmotherhood! hehehe... Happy Birthday!

happy father's day, dad!

if i'm not mistaken, this picture was taken shortly after my first birthday (as evidenced by the dick tracy gadget on my lap, the ugly duckling and the pooch that seemed to have gotten it's looks after the duckling...and the time date stamped on the picture). by the yellowing of the picture's paper, you can just imagine how long ago this was taken...hehehe (to give you an idea, it was shortly after apollo 11 came back after it's mission to the moon) and the guy over there behind me (don't you think he looks like...lagalag? hehehe), ofcourse, is my dad! well, i was daddy's little girl...we do have a lot of other pictures like this until i was around 5 years old...that's when we left quezon city and decided to stay here in las piñas...he became a lot busier that time, kaya kumonti ang lakwatsa days namin...but nontheless, i appreciate the wisdom of this old man...makulit minsan, but a lot of the things he's told me were those which i never heard from any of my friends up to this day...thanks dad...thank you so much for that eclectic wisdom that you never fail to impart...thank you for picking me up whenever i stumbled...thank you for putting up with mom's quirks (and staying in that marriage for the longest time)...thank you for staying at home, doing the household work for us when mom had the chance to work...thank you for welcoming me back home, dad...happy father's day :)

of weddings...and sayings

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...things that a bride-to-be would gather (as per instruction from old ladies in the family) for this much awaited occasion...her wedding day. If I may recall, since my wedding was to take place in Intramuros, Manila, anticipating traffic congestion, I dressed up in a room at the Manila Hotel just so to avoid having to make my groom wait. I was sort of nervous that day, but somehow, things were pretty much hassle-free. After dressing up and posing for video (that seems to have take an eternity), I went down to the lobby, half expecting the scene that I would create with that 6-ft train of beaded satin trailing behind me. True enough, there was a crowd of tourists, mostly Asians, who gathered at the reception area...The camera man took a few pictures as I glided across the hall. I knew that everyone's eyes were on me ;-) I felt like cinderella who's about to ride her pumpkin carriage. And then, I heard it...a reverberating applause from the foreign guests! I smiled back as I saw them nod in approval of the mystique walking past them...there it was, my 30-second claim to limelight!

Today, as I traipse down memory lane, all these things have become part of a fairytale that ended years ago...in fact, it ended just a week after my wedding day. No regrets though...for whatever it's worth, having lived and learned the hard way has shaped me (i think) into a better person...better, not necessarily wiser (i still stumble and feel idiosyncratic at times...I know there's still a lot more in life to learn about), but a lot better in the sense that I've discovered myself as to the things that I'm capable of doing...I've learned to love myself!

A wedding is just the start of a colorful, adventurous life. These i learned: something old - what you are willing to give-up for that one person you love; something new - the things that you are willing to go through with your loved one, no matter what; something borrowed - your spouse...borrowed-to-own-eventually...keep in mind that he's not from your side of the family...his values are different from that of yours...learn to compromise; something blue - your life will turn blue, the magic will be gone, if you don't know how to take care of your man...well, mine is a different story :)

In conclusion, i'd keep these things in mind...just in case i get to wear that ecru gown...again!

they came...and they went

This was taken during the intramurals last school-year...they are just few among the many pretty faces in my class Sr-D...i'll miss you guys!

a reason to change

it's been raining incessantly the entire day...rainy days bring in sad emotions...usually, that is...but today, i didn't feel quite that way...i started my morning with a warm tumbler of cafe latte at starbucks (what with 300 bucks left in my wallet! hehehe...the Lord provides!) while i waited for Abbey to come...

Abbey and I went to the Kerygma Feast of Bo Sanchez...three things i learned from Bo today...1) to own up to my behaviour and its consequences...stop blame, own up, and change my life...2) find a gut-level reason for change...yes, my God knows what it is and He provides the plan for me...and 3) do something new!...yes, that's exactly what i'm gonna do...10 years of simply waiting is enough...i have to move on and be a better person for my God...

hmmm...change...it's a beautiful word that i've been hearing for days now...from Bro. Ceci, to Shrek, and now, Bo...i want to change myself, the course of my life, because God might not recognize me when it's time for me to face Him...

but guess what? morbid as it may sound, but change is what Mcsi did for me...his death came as a jolt as it suddenly ended a life with a lot of promise...i thought really hard at why did it have to be me, when there are other teachers in school? why did God choose me?...

as days went on, things began to unfold...mcsi's death brought me to experience new relationships which opened my eyes to reality...reality that somehow got distorted due to my passivity...but not anymore...

thank you Mcsi, my sweet guardian angel, my soulmate...you made things happen for me...your demise, though hurtful and untimely, has brought me hope to do better as a person...thank you dear...i miss you so...

takes my breath away

this is a beautiful song that patti sang during the concert...incidentally, the song is also called the "pacey and joey" song of dawson's creek...it was the first time that i heard them sing it, and right away, i fell in love with it...i downloaded a version from my napster and played the song over and over again...

a while ago, around 9:30, a very good friend of mine called me up, sounding very ecstatic...as usual, girl talk...while talking, i brought the wireless phone near the computer's speakers, and i let her listen to the music i was playing. almost instantly after the song, she fell in love with it...in fact, she was mesmerized by the golden voice of patti, and tuck's exquisite plucking! the song reminded her of the date she had today...and she told me this:

"...i went to bed with him, knowing that he doesn't have feelings for me...well, nothing more of a friend...but you know why? because i love him in all of his beauty...i love him unconditionally...should his memory fail him and forget about me, i have decided to gather memories of him...up until when, i don't know...in the end, that's everything i can own of him...nothing but memories"

for this gentleman, whoever you are...this is your song...

TAKES MY BREATH AWAY

Sometimes, it amazes me
How strong the power of love can be.
Sometimes you just take my breath away.
You watch my love grow like a child,
Sometimes gentle and sometimes wild.
Sometimes you just take my breath away.
And it's too good to slip by, it's too good to lose,
Too good to be there just to use. I
'm gonna stand on a mountaintop and tell the news,
That you take my breath away.

Your beauty is there in all I see,
And when I feel your eyes on me, oooh,
Don't you know you just take my breath away.
'Say, my life is yours, my heart will be
Singing for you eternally.
Oh, don't you know you just take my breath away.

'Say, it's too good to slip by, and it's too good to lose,
Too good to be there just to use.
I'm gonna stand on a mountaintop and tell the news,
That you take my breath away.

Sometimes, it amazes me
how strong the power of love can be.
Ooooh, don't you know you just take my,
take my breath away.
Oh, my life is yours, my heart will be
Singing for you eternally.
Ooooh, don't you know you just take my,
take my breath away.
'Say, it's too good to slip by, and it's too good to lose,
Too good to be there just to use.

I'm gonna stand on a mountaintop and tell the news,
That you take my breath away. Hmmmm.....

Love Without Conditions - Benediction

There is only One Son of God
and You are He.

From Him, you receive.
To Him, you give.

When you look at yourself,
may you remember.

When you look at your brother,
may you also remember.

When you look away in fear,
remember only this:

Subject and Object,
Lover and Beloved,

are not two,
but one and the same.

What you give and
what you receive

are reflectionsof each other.
~Paul Ferrini

solitude

when the night is calm...

and the birds are asleep...

trees bow and stars shine,

in solitude, i weep...

for that is the time i most think of you.

jersey girl

oh, this is a movie i've seen twice, two days in a row...this is the 3rd time in my entire life that i sought to watch a movie again (first time was for the movie Zapped!...and 2nd was for My Best Friend's Wedding...i wonder why...).

it's a touching story of a man (Ben Affleck) whose wife (whom he loved dearly despite her quirks) passed away after giving birth to his one and only daughter...but i will not write about the story of this man in relation to his daughter...i wish to write about his eccentric love interest, the girl who worked at the video shop (Liv Tyler)...

funny how they got to know each other...ben was in the video shop with his daughter...he sneaked out a porn video, tried to hide it from his daughter, and finally, checked it out with no other than the shop manager played by liv...liv questioned his "borrowing practices" as she claimed to be a graduate student who's doing a paper on "porn borrowing practices of men"...she invited ben to an interview just so she can have inputs on her paper...in the process, she discovered that ben has not had sex for the past 7 years! she took pity on him and casually invited him to have sex in his house! although a bit hesitant, ben agreed to the generous "offer"...boy, wasn't he depraved! as they got into the house, they undressed each other on the way to the bedroom, started kissing intensely and groping for each other's body parts, when suddenly, ben's daughter came home from school!..the two went inside the bathroom, closed the shower curtain, and pretended to be taking a bath...eventually, the girl caught them (there's really nothing you can hide from these little adults...)...

though liv played an eccentric and overly assertive young woman, there was a part in the movie when she casually faced the man, withheld her true feelings for him (she told him that it was just a "mercy job" she did, and that it was plain and casual sex...no feelings involved...)...as soon as she was alone, she found herself crying bitterly, letting out emotions that only she could understand at that point in time...tsk, tsk...i'm afraid, i've been in and out of that kind of situation too...trying to hide any sign of vulnerability in the face of a potential love interest...

to all the men out there: women do not engage in sex just because...sex is never just a physical activity meant to satisfy hormonal uproar...no matter how casual it may seem, women can't settle for "wham, bam,thank you ma'am!"...women will always refer to "it" as intimacy, not just sex...the difference is in the involvement of emotions in the former that can even result to love...unfortunately, not too many men are aware of this...the average Juana will still opt to cry in silence...

what am i driving at?

men, please treat your women with respect...emotions will always tag along, no matter what you say...it's like a curse that we, women, cannot do away with...so the tendency is to get hurt most of the time...all the time...so please, never think of sex as a casual undertaking, a boost to one's ego, or simply a time to scratch an itch given a favorable time, place...and partner.

tuck & patti LIVE!

after several attempts of asking people to tag along with me to watch the tuck & patti concert, finally, by sheer accident (thanks to blogger.com!), i found someone who's equally dying to find someone to accompany him...sir rolly :)

this is what i've been waiting for...i've been a fan for 11 years now, and there was never a time that i found remakes to be more beautiful than the original...the all time favorite TIME AFTER TIME, an original by cyndi lauper, was reinvented by this duo some 11 years ago...and this time, they've come up with a not so similar version, but nontheless, equally beautiful...who says a last-song-syndrome is annoying? not when you sing the way patti would...

last night's performance was utterly magnificent! tuck's performance was breathtaking! the way he strummed and plucked would make one imagine of a guiter with strings set wide apart...each and every single note struck with extreme clarity, you'd think he's some sort of a demigod! he played like a string quartet, only there was just the sound of one guitar that filled the theater with awesome acoustic melody. when he strummed and tapped away on his guitar with his own rendition of EUROPA, for a while there, i forgot that Carlos Santana even existed! sir rolly's nagging question was..."is he human?" hahahaha! well, that fleshy but firm handshake must have answered him alright!

Patti's voice was soulful and soooo soothingly beautiful that when she sang I Was Born To Love You, someone from the audience proposed marriage to his companion! It was indeed a romantic evening...each song beguiled couples to snuggle, share a shawl in a cold and rainy night...hehehe...good thing that sir rolly's a gentleman...that even when he was sooo darn freezing, he just tugged on the other end of my shawl which i offered him to share :)

oh well...i hope to see the duo again perform live...this time, in San Francisco!

maiden voyage

it's been quite a while since i finally resolved to write a blog...again...but have not really found the right motivation to do it...i guess, there are just too many significant things that have happened recently that i couldn't help but sit down and start typing along.

today, i woke up this morning, feeling so heavy, as i was burdened with guilt for hurting a good friend's feelings...why? i have questioned his integrity as a friend when all this time, he has shown nothing but kindness and respect...i guess it all stemmed out from the fact that he never disclosed to me what his true intentions were...at least, not in a concise manner...

what was my issue?..i didn't know what his intentions were in wanting to have an immigrant's status in the US...i've offered to extend a little privilege to him, expecting nothing in return, just so he will be able to experience this "new life" that he's been longing for in a foreign land...i offered to help because i care for him...

anyway, since i knew that what i did was something really, really bad (dahil hindi pa raw ipinapanganak ang taong makakapikon sa kanya...so, i guess, i took the first shot at it), i apologized through text (texting can be sooo annoying because of the absence of real emotions...yet, the filipino race seems to be so dependent on it)...hiyang-hiya ako...and he replied: "...hi! gud morning! it's not that i dont want to go, di ba i said i'm 95% sure (yeah right!). kaya lang i felt sa txt mo that u'r not clear abt my intentions & that i may jst be using u. i dont want u to entertain thos thots kc it wil jeopardize our friendshp kaya i said wag na lang. yun lang naman. but if dat's not wat u meant & it was meant to be in jest, then cge let's continue. di ba? unles ikaw yung nagbago?..."

well, although i felt better after reading that, i still prodded him to tell me honestly if he's sure that there were no more hard feelings for me...and he assured me that "...when a friend apologizes to me, i hav no reason 2 question her/his sincerity..." after that, i felt so good i was smiling the entire day!

my friend Martin (not his real name) is the epitome of a real gentleman...the things that he said to me today, are all reflective of a person who's nature is to nurture...

i'm happy to have known Martin as he gives me a new perspective in life...now, i'm starting to believe that not all men are jerks...that there is still innate goodness in most people...that it is alright to go out and start trusting men again...that it is not alright to settle for just anything, specially if it is so obnoxious, thinking that getting used to it is a normal part of living...something obnoxious is bad enough...to think that it's alright to have it just because one is obliged to have or live with it, is simply preposterous! i am happy to have met Martin...i liken myself to a ship that's about to sail for the first time...it's maiden voyage...i'm going to sail on through life with a vision in mind and heart that i can redeem myself and do better as a person...new life is about to berth and i'm rarin' to go on board :)