Sunday, November 19, 2006

to move in or not to move in, that is the question

some weeks back, this guy that i've dated asked if i can move in with him. being new in this culture, i was surprised and didn't know exactly how to react. i didn't think i'd get such an offer ever in my life. look, it's not the same as a marriage proposal and so therefore, i had to think hard about how to react lest i might say something that i'd regret in the future.

i thought really long and hard, and although this type of proposal seem normal to this culture due to the very busy lifestyles that people live, my emotions battled with my pride, my wants with my values. since my divorce, i keep my vulnerability in check and am now more careful not to jump the gun. i've had mistakes, tried to redeem myself by doing the right thing, but i ended up losing a few things here and there. and so i thought, better not to let emotions overwhelm me, to think of repercussions than be merry now and suffer greater heartaches later.

and so you may have guessed it, i told him that i can't move in with him. i gave him very specific reasons and just today, i gave him another set because today, i said goodbye. we rarely had time for each other, he got back to me saying that's one of the reasons why he made the offer. he knew all long that he'd be busy, doing two jobs at a time, and shifting from his current job to a new one. it looks like it's my fault that we didn't have time to be together, but i don't feel that way at all. and at the back of my mind, i know there's another reason why our days together dwindled...well that's another story.

moving in with someone sounds really fun and exciting, but minus the commitment, for me, it spells H-E-A-R-T-A-C-H-E. if i'd be in that situation, it'll be comfortable to have someone right next to me to satisfy my needs without strings attached. no need to exert any effort at all. that'll render the person expendable and without commitment, if the other person screws up (pardon the colorful language my dear students), i can easily have a backdoor and slip out of a relationship just like that. very convenient huh?

but i'm not taking it against him that this happened to us. he has his reasons, this is the culture he grew up with. i'm not saying that he's wrong and that i'm right. it's just that the things i value are different from his. and who knows? if we were together, things could have worked out fine and he and i are now probably doing great as a probably i'm wrong that i didn't give it a chance...

the bottom line is, i thought of how that situation would fit into my value system. i'm not perfect and i don't smell like a rose either, so my set of values and friends help me make decisions that will not only do good for me, but for other people as well.

two weeks and i'll be over this, you'll see :)

meantime, i'll look for this Kingdom Hearts DVD featuring Captain Jack Sparrow :)

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ting-aling said...

Joyce, howdy? I'm glad you gave it a lot of thought first. Mahirap magkamali. Well, we need to "magkamali" kaya lang you are just too precious to go be broken hearted again.

Love comes in the right place and right time. I am sure your time and place hasn't come yet but it will. I'm wishing..and praying..

rain said...

The dvd or the new game? =]

joyce said...

hi tingaling!
thank you, salamat sa consolation, i needed that :)

hi rica!
yung game hehehehe