lusty over red?

last week, a co teacher was telling a story about how her husband got so hot after seeing red sheets covering the matrimonial bed. she said he found it so sexy that he pulled her to bed right there and then, and ofcourse, you know what happened next.

she continued saying she remembered once when she was still single, there was a time when men, a lot of men, dated her. it was a bad thing because those men just wanted one thing: to bed her. and so one day, she visited a friend who's a feng shui master and she candidly told her experiences, believing there could be something mystical going on. true enough, the feng shui master asked her if she was using red sheets to which she said yes. she was advised that red sheets gave her a hottie aura and naturally attracted the men with the wrong intentions. furthermore, being single, she was told to put the red sheet on the bottom mattress and put pink over the top mattress to dissipate the "hotness" and bring romance instead.

hmmm i'm not a feng shui fanatic, but the imp within is pushing me to do some laundry...i've red sheets! hahahaha

river

today, i felt so distraught with how one student has been dealing with me. it's been 9 harrowing weeks, only because of him. one time he was suspended, the class he's in, all of a sudden, was totally different. this morning, i had to deal with his objectionable ways again, but this time, i knew i had it with him. i cried when the students were gone, i felt weary and frustrated.

so when i went home, i stopped by starbucks, grabbed a venti cafe americano with hazelnut, coupled it with a slice of lemon loaf and treated myself to a christmas songs cd entitled Santa Baby. it's got elvis presley, frank sinatra, nat king cole, tony bennett, ella fitzgerald, dean martin, diana krall, billie holiday, sarah mclachlan, etc. well, i bought it primarily because it's quite uncommon to find elvis in a compilation cd like this; second, i like the repertoire and the voices. so i parked in front of our house, turned up the volume of the player, and sat there sloshing my drink away. i relaxed my mind while i looked up the dark gray sky, and just enjoyed the music, the coffee, the pastry, and the time that i'm alone. when i was down to my last sip, i called overseas to my daughter, woke her up (she's going to school anyway) and told her how much i miss her, how much i want to hug her, hold her tight. told her i love her very much...heard her sleepy voice...a priceless moment...that mitigated the pain. i felt relieved.

here's the first cut in the cd. i want to share it with whoever. i like it of all the songs in that complation. it's called river.

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It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
But it don’t snow here
It stays pretty green
I’m going to make a lot of money
And then I’m going to quit this crazy scene
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
Teach my feet to fly high
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I made my baby cry
I tried hard to help me
No it wouldn’t be at ease
But it left me so naughty made me weak in the knees
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
But I’m so hard to handle
I’m selfish and I’m sad
Now I gone and lost the best baby that I’ve ever had
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
Oh I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly high
Oh I wish I had a river
That I could skate away on
I made my baby say goodbye
It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
[ these lyrics found on www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

kids say the darnest things

Part 1

one week before i left for the US, my daughter and i went to alabang town center. after getting off the taxi, we went up a flight of stairs to one of the main entrances. before we reached the automatic sliding door, i saw an ex-boyfriend (he's an artista, boy next door image, mind you) coming out of the door together with his sister. "WHAT THE..." i said to myself, and before i can order my legs to walk towards the other direction, (i felt sort of embarassed that he'd see me in this plump state) he went past me, glanced towards my direction (he probably thought it was deja vu...hello??? i'm your ex, honey!) and continued walking. here's the conversation that followed between me and my daughter, after that brief encounter:


joyce: Jace, did you see that tall and cute guy in black shirt who went past us?

jace: yes, you know him?

joyce: yup, he's an ex-boyfriend

jace: ma??? really???

joyce: u-huh! but the relationship was shortlived

jace: (after 5 minutes or so) ma? siguro mas maganda ako kung iba naging tatay ko? ano sa palagay mo?

joyce: haaay...hindi ako mapalagay! (ngek)



Part 2

last april, i spent most of my days sleeping over at my sister's. being a call center agent then, i slept during the day. i found it difficult to sleep at home when my younger cousins were there on vacation. my nephew, though he too was on vacation, would normally be downstairs, blasting away his opponents with his PS2 gadget, so that my sister's bedroom would normally be empty. i slept there most of the time, but one day, the 7-yr old tyke decided to take a nap in his parents' bedroom, beside me.

that day, for some reason, i decided to leave early for work. since i thought my crazy inaanak was still sound asleep, i dressed up in that same bedroom, my back facing him. i had my pants and my bra on, i was about to put on my shirt when i heard a shriek behind me:

"NINANG!!! may boobs ka sa likod!!!" immediately, i pulled down my shirt, sat on the bed, then i heard a follow-up shriek, "Naku!!! nagiging apat pag umupo ka!"

"Lapastangan kang bata ka...TULOG!"

darn those love handles! but as the cliche goes, kids don't lie.

Never, Never, Never

Some things are better said in a song.

I'd like to run away from you,
but if you never found me I would die
I'd like to break the chains you put around me,
but I know I never will
You stay away and all I do is wonder why the hell I wait for you
But when did common sense prevail
for lovers when we know it never will
Impossible to live with you,
but I know, I could never live without you
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love
with anyone but you

You never treat me like you should,
so what's the good of loving as I do?
Although you always laugh at love,
nothing else would be good enough for you
Impossible to live with you, but I know,
I could never live without you
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love
with anyone but you

You make me laugh, you make me cry,
you make me live, you make me die for you
You make me sing, you make me sad,
you make me glad, you make me mad for you

I love you, hate you, love you, hate you
But I'll want you til the world stops turning
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love
with anyone but you

I love you, hate you,
love you, hate you
But I'll want you till the world stops turning
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love
with anyone but you

I love you, hate you, love you, hate you
But I'll want you till the world stops turning
For whatever you do I never, never,
never want to be in love with anyone but you.

I hope you find contentment in the path you chose. I'm sorry, I can't traipse down that path with you, not anymore, but i'll be around to strengthen your spirit so you'd stay in that direction.

from Jack, to Jack

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when i was still in manila, someone named Jack e-mailed me an mp3 of this song. never met the person, but i got to like the song.

to Jack, thanks.

and for my special friend, Jack...
i'm enjoying you and your company...i wonder how far this friendship would go...

at long last...

it's more than a month now since i set foot here in virginia beach city (one time i was with my roommate, i blurted out something like ang daming onaks ano? and she gave me this strange look...hey, got any sense of humor???). due to some financial constraints, i got a late booking and had to pass through san francisco. i took that as an opportunity to be with my relatives, and as the song goes, i left part of my heart there :)






as always, the weather was fine though cloudy; nippy but i really enjoyed it. could have been better if i was with someone dear to me (like my daughter Jacinth) to hold hands with and hug while enjoying the maginificent view. on the other side of the bridge is romantic sausalito...exotic view, great food, beautiful flora. spent 3 days in california, but i really wish i could spend christmas and winter break there.

after hayward, i headed for springfield missouri where our agent is located. Ate Becs, as we fondly call her, made us stay in their staff house (a large house with plenty of rooms) and there in Brad Pitts' birthplace i learned how to differentiate a penny from a nickel, a dime and a quarter by doing self check out at the local Wal-Mart. it was a neat experience and believe me, it is only just recently that i feel quite comfortable using these loose change as i can now remember their face value. my new found friends and i also visited a Hooters branch there in springfield. well, contrary to the common belief of those who are in RP, Hoooters is a place where they serve tasty chicken breasts and wings =) so what were you thinking?

after 1 week of getting acclimated (actually, the weather in springfield was extremely warm i had cold sore on my lips), the 5 teachers, one husband and the Ate Becs-Kuya Rolly-tandem decided to drive up to Virginia beach. On the average, they said, that it should not take us more than 17 hours to drive. however, due to congestion towards the tunnel, it took us about 20 hours to get to the Mantes' place. Ang sakit sa katawan! but i say i may have to do that again sooner or later, i mean drive up to another state. it actually is pretty convenient with the nice, paved roads and clean rest areas. sabi nga ni Kuya Rolly, it's part of the average american's life to travel, cross country. not that i have become like them, but if one has a good vehicle and the roads are fine, travelling is actually fun with the right company and a good set of maps (thanks to mapquest hehehe).


i now am sharing a room with another Filipino teacher at the Reuyans' and Ate Pearly's house. here is a picture of the house where I live. it's just so nice waking up to the view of tall, coniferous trees. the sight gives a calming effect especially after a day of dealing with very difficult kids in school. and speaking of school, i somehow have adjusted to the system here, finding each day passing quite so fast, that before you know it, the week's over, TGIF, at sweldo na naman! without having to sound materialistic, i'd say pay day comes pretty fast perhaps because of the very quick pace and busy lifestyle we have here. and contrary to what friends back home think of the kind of work we do here, we are as busy, and work seems as endless as before. the only difference is that one gets to enjoy his/her earnings more than when one is in the Philippines. for me, enjoying my earnings means being able to share it with my folks and my daughter. i am also more capable of buying the things i like, things that we may consider extras, capricho, and yet still able to save some for the rainy days. the pay for teachers is not that high, but it's enough to pay the bills, to feed and clothe oneself, share some to relatives back home...

virginia beach is a very nice place, it somehow reminds me of Ayala Alabang in the midst of Baguio City, only it's a lot larger than the posh subdivision. conducive for raising a family, it's pretty laid back, conservative and if one is tired of the hustle and bustle of new york, virginia beach is a place for respite and recluse. the place where i stay is like 15 miles away from the oceanfront. good place to jog, or simply stroll with a loved one =) it's a haven for those who want to bask under the sun while still expecting some snow in winter, crimson and golden foliage in the fall that turns green in spring, and some intermittent rain after summer. if i'd be given a chance, i would love to stay here.

two weeks ago, i went to new york to visit my friend abbey who's lucky to have found a place to stay with former co-teachers and friends leovie, husband froi, jun & jing rupanyana. more than enjoying the subway ride, the stroll down times square, i was very happy reconnecting with friends whom i last saw 2 years ago! i just love the company of these people, genuine and very kind individuals, friends one will truly miss. here are a few of the pictures we took while i was there. i know zobel peeps would appreciate these :)

the motley crew

toys r us

leovie's and froi's love nest (the baby is theirs)

subway gang

ang gaganda!

so far, i'm coping well. if an erring student won't abide, there's always the telephone to call security =)

Praying Feet

have you seen feet that pray? =)

after so long a time of being in hiatus, and after resigning from work to prepare for my work abroad, thought of going back to my blogkadahan

for this month (or so), check out our website and see how this group pray with our feet hehehe yup! we've got actual pictures of our feet (and calves, and hair, bunions, callouses, etc.) put together as if in prayer! this is batjay's idea and for the love of God, visit the site so you may get a glimpse of what's in our heads...and our feet as well =)

c'mon, be good now, just click on this link and you're in for a kick =)

and by the way, upcoming for next month is one juicy topic that everyone can be really interested in...versatility is the name of the game, and just to show you that the group can write on just about anything, brace yourselves for the topic on s*e*x... yes! i'll be posting an announcement on this and be ready for your brains to be titillated by these sexy prolific minds =)

road signs

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yep, it's been a while...busy with call center work, haaayyy matatapos na rin, salamat!

but being part of that company isn't really so bad, learned to survive no matter how much i struggled to be productive (hanggang sa huli, inaantok pa rin ako...well, someone kept me busy during the day kaya ganon...sorry guys), keep quality standards high...sorry fiya, you have an old dog here, goodluck on your new recruit...

bpsi times, glad to be part of the group, thank you eli. hey, i hope you like the article, last hurrah, at least i stood by you til the last day despite the dwindling number of writers...salamat napagtiyagaan mo ko kahit laging late ako mag submit...will miss you too...you'll be a very good father, i know...i just know.

q-busters...will miss you...johnxion, me-an, eka, menjo, coi, ken, mikey, yula, david...o sige na, isama na si miam! you guys made life easier when graveyard shift never really suited my system...hey eka, love this song, perfect timing :-)

been oblivious to road signs lately...nahuli ako ng pulis sa edsa...TWICE IN A ROW...ask me how long the interval was... hmm? less than 2 minutes! hehehe...record breaker ba? first time, never again!!! violations? secret! hehehe...may studyante ako'ng nagbabasa, it's not what you think it is...and i reiterate, i have been very oblivious to life's road signs lately...di bale...i'm paying my ticket.

thank God, i'm leaving soon...my daughter's prepared, she'll come see me naman, so no problem there...a palmist told me i'm getting married to a filipino in the US, will have 2 kids...shux :) it's been awhile, jacinth would love to be an ate :) will be married within the next 4 years! oh baby, open your arms, i'll be there soon! que magkatotoo o hindi, i'm the maker of my own destiny, and this is exactly what i want :)

updates? soon :)

10 sexiest men for 2006

to start off the year, here's a list of my 10- sexiest men... pure inspiration =)

10. Tony Manero, otherwise known as John Travolta. if you were not born yet to see that awesome movie Saturday Night Fever, you missed out on the sexiest man who ever walked Hollywood during the 70's. a man in double knit pants never looked so awesome on the dance floor.



9. Pretty Woman's heartthrob was every single woman's dream date. always the gentleman, always cool and suave...whew!





8. you're wondering what Rep. Francis Escudero is doing on this list? i find being fiery quite sexy =)





7. David Robert Joseph Beckham, Royal Madrid's first team player has star potential. sexy, undaunted...







6. Neo, John Constantine, Kevin Lomax, Nelson Moss...otherwise known as Keanu Reeves...who wouldn't fall in love with this versatile actor?






5. fine, i was smitten by his gorgeous smile...Jericho Rosales is handsomely filipino...




4. he's obnoxiously handsome, despite his flawed english...Jerry Yan made me watch Meteor Garden to the last episode...call me shallow, but i was gaga over him for quite a while...eto ang itsurang maginoo, pero medyo bastos =)





3. yeah, yeah, i got a penchant for weird looking guys...Johnny Depp is simply adorable in all of his movies...no matter how strange his roles were. that's exactly why he's sexy...he's unique, creative and weird =)




2. absolutely charming, intelligent and straightforward...aside from the fact that i can really get attracted to someone who has a way with ladles and chopping boards, Chef Jamie Oliver is one reason why Discovery channel is worth watching.




and first in my list is...


Ken Watanabe...you saw him in the Last Samurai, Batman Begins, and yes, Memoirs of a Geisha as the handsome Chairman. i am specially drawn towards men who exude an air of mystery...and yes, his expressive eyes never fail to melt my heart away. wish he can be mine =)

Remembering the novel Memoirs of a Geisha

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"...Now I know that our world is no more permanent than a wave rising on the ocean. Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper." - Memoirs of a Geisha, Arthur Golden

i have kept a copy of the paperback for more than a year now, but it was only two weekends ago that i decided to sift through its pages. it was one of those cold saturday evenings of trying to stay awake and my mind, full of entrapments set by my own imagination. in an attempt to avoid that sullen state, i realized that i have shelved the book for so long and thought that i might as well indulge in prosaic musing, thinking that it may teem with slow paced narration of ancient Japanese way of life...boorish, unexciting, plainly hermeneutic.

it started with a preface, an interview with the heroine, Sayuri. at the prime of her life, Sayuri agreed to tell her story to an unknowing writer to reveal the lifestyle of one of the most misunderstood beings to have lived...the geisha. to those who do not have an idea of what a real geisha is, first thing that comes to mind is that she's a prostitute...albeit the elegance and sheer perfection, the overall perception is rather reproachful and deprecating. in an attempt to change this notion, Sayuri tells her story.

Sayuri, the little girl with exotic blue gray eyes, was named Chiyo. she lived with her sister and parents in a poor fishing village and led a most poignant life. to a nine-year old, the banal lifestyle of a fisherman's daughter seemed everything in the world for her, not until when her mother got critically ill. upon the doctor's instruction, she was tasked to run an errand that had caused her to face a future in the company of the most provocative characters and events that changed her life altogether.

even before her mother passed, Sayuri and her 15-yr old sister Satsu were sent to the city of Gion, sold to become a geisha and a prostitute respectively. Sayuri's destiny was slowly carved out for her as she struggled emotionally each day, longing to be together once more with her family. the day of reckoning, however, came as she received a letter and a package that brought the news of her parents' death and the destiny which her sister chose to follow. this made the little Chiyo envisage a future that she had to decide upon despite her youth...the choice was between life and death...between bete noir and elan...iki shini ...ofcourse, she chose life...the life of a renowned geisha.

this enthralling story brings its readers a powerful narrative, a visual representation of a spellbinding journey to becoming au fait.

a geisha is specially trained in "ancient dance, singing, playing instruments such as the Shamisen, flower arrangement, wearing kimo no, tea ceremony, calligraphy, conversation, alcohol serving manners and more. "

now the art of seduction is also something else...sensuous, yet simple... ingratiating, yet pleasantly restrained. who ever thought that the flesh under a woman's forearm can be alluringly seductive, so that a slight show of the forearm while pouring tea can disarm the most stolid onlooker? or a moment's glance at man's eyes can cause him to stumble?

certainly, a geisha may look like any other, but Sayuri was different...even as a young child, her unusual blue gray eyes caught the attention of many, and earned the envy of those who shared in the same trade. the Chairman was one such man whose attention she caught as a child, Sayuri's love whom she secretly followed throughout her life.

i finished the book in two days, not wasting a single waking moment after that i started conning over its pages. there were times that i found myself crying as i felt the sorrow of a young helpless child being taken away to a place she never knew of...the pain of losing one's parents at a tender age...the fear of having to survive a most cruel environment where beauty and grace are ironically nurtured to perfection in order to prevail. i guess i'm simply daunted by the fact that in time, i may have to leave my precious one, my daughter, behind in order to pursue a life that will eventually make things better for us both...

i was curiously enchanted by the narration of a man (Arthur Golden) behind a woman's voice. i didn't even realize that it was a man who made the story, even til the end =) the emotions that i felt were very womanly...soft, yet fiery and undaunted...fearsome, yet audacious and resilient.

the story, though a fairy tale, was skillfully told so that a surprising twist unfolds in the end. i was deeply engrossed by the details, but somehow, at the back of my mind, i too was secretly hoping for Sayuri's real feelings to be found out by the Chairman so that they find everlasting happiness...but that would be an easy and predictable ending, wouldn't it? even if it ended that way, it is noteworthy to say that he was nonchalant almost all throughout the story! Golden was successful in shifting the mind of the reader, making the predictable, unpredictable!

i can't wait for the movie to be shown here in manila. the magic of Spielberg, Marshall and Golden combined is something worth looking forward to...

samu't sari...

hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako maka 72 calls...masyado ba ako'ng mabait?

nakakainis ang QA results, lalo na kung ge-grade-an ka sa bagay na di mo alam, o mali ang impormasyon na nasagap mo...asar

nakaka walang gana ang mga taong walang modo...

sana lang, may libreng juice o kaya iced tea sa pantry...medyo nakakakabog ng dibdib ang 3 baso ng kape sa isang gabi...

sana lang, may internet access din sa station ko...mas nakakawala ng stress siguro pag may iba kang nakikita

buti na lang, mabait ang UM ko...

hindi ko alam kung bakit kapangalan ng tatay ng anak ko ang boss ng boss ko...parang di magandang senyales.

regular na daw kami...bakit parang di ko maramdaman? o talagang wala naman talagang dapat maramdaman?

umalis na si dave, yung seatmate ko...nakakainis siya noon pag nangingiliti...ngayong wala na siya, hinahanap ko yung kakulitan niya...haaaay

may uupo na raw na kapalit si dave...sana lang, sing bait din niya.

si jen, lagi na lang malungkot...kelan ka ba sasaya?

si mike "rocky", nakakatuwang krp, ang galing magbigay ng advice...nag TL ka na lang sana...

hinihintay ko na yung online issue ng newsletter namin...para may bagong pagkaka abalahan

hinihintay ko na rin ang thanksgiving...sarap ng bakasyon!!! makapag shopping na sa tutuban hehehehe

magka-carolling daw kami sa AAV...si john sion ang vocalist...good idea...di na kailangang mag pitpit ng lata.

bakit green ang text ko? "i love Zobel" eh =) kahit kumukuha raw ng di grumadweyt sa high school ang LaSalle...kayo rin naman ah!

nami miss ko ang pagtuturo...ang klasrum...ang mga bata...

magawa ko na sana ulit sa susunod na taon...sa amerika.

"Death's shadow only fades little by little as time passes...

There will never be more than a thin glass barrier between your present and the wreckage of your past..." - Wei Hui, Shanghai Baby

this year, death is nothing more like a surreal and relentless nightmare that knocked on the door of three significant people in my life...i never felt so much loss, most specially after having severed my 9-yr relationship with my daughter's father. when someone passes, those who are left behind dwell on thoughts like "i could have done this...i should have told him/her that...". these are the very things that keep us attached to those who went on to exist in the after life. admittedly, i've had my regrets...

Ray, Rammel and Pepot...i would have told you these, but i'm sorry...so sorry i wasn't able to.

Ray, when i saw you helpless and in coma, had there not been anyone else in that room, i would have embraced you tight, tight enough to let you feel the warmth emanating from me... and would have whispered to your ear endless chants of hope, love, forgiveness. i know you heard my voice while i was talking. gut feel told me that you made a facial muscle twitch to signal that you heard me, that you acknowledge my presence. my irog, i'm sorry i didn't have the strength to hold you...but i thank you dear for letting me "see" you just before you went, for letting me "feel" this unique connection that we had...to this day, i'm haunted by your smile, your reassuring voice, your gentle touch. but i'll have to move on eventually...i can hear you now saying, "i know..."

Rammel, i have a lot to feel sorry about. jonah wanted to tell you how your father loved you dearly...jonah met him in Chicago in 1996. he told him that while he was still here in the Philippines, he'd drop by your school and looked at you from a distance, wanting to hold you near and tell you how much he loved you. but he was in hiding, and you knew that. perhaps you two met already, wherever you are now. forgive us for not letting you know for the simple reason that we don't want to hurt your mom...not anymore...she's been through a lot and one more blow would just be way too much. Meng, it felt good that i was able to bring you that cold drink when you wouldn't take in anything because it was too painful in the stomach...it felt good when you held my hand, held it like you never did before, a touch that made me realize that you're trying to communicate what you couldn't say as it was too painful to talk (you wanted to tell me how thankful you were, right? for bringing you that drink, for running errands for your mom, for taking care of you even if it meant not sleeping at all during the day...that was the most i could do and i wish i was able to do more)...i understood what you meant, and i won't ever forget that moment.

Pepot, you never knew how thankful i am that you knew my pain, my prayers...and you prayed with me...when i told you that i had to leave my daughter's father, you didn't point a finger at me...no judgments, no hasty conclusions...you stood by me, you believed in me, you made me feel that no matter what i was going through, you were there, praying for me...i'm sorry i didn't know you were in pain...i'm sorry i didn't get the chance to give back to you everything that you've done for me...i didn't even know that you were in great physical pain while i whined about the hardships i went through just recently; you didn't even tell me that you were alone...had i been there, would you have lived longer?

having written all these, i go on with my life, mending relationships with those who are left behind...creating ways that would make others feel that i value them...exerting much effort to let my loved ones know how much i care for them...

i won't shed another tear of regret. the past will always be a part of me, its wreckage an integral dimension of my being...that won't change...with my loved ones' passing, life begins with those who are still living.

how well i understand men...

i don't know if this is something that i should feel glad about...i think men, basically, are intimidated if women knew TOO MUCH about how they think and how'd they react to certain stimuli...what do you think???

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone. You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well. Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.

How Well Do You Understand Men?

my blogging style and the kind of seducer that i am...whew

got this idea from one of my visitors.

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

and here's an add on...hehehehe

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

you're beautiful

here's a beautiful song that i would have given you had it been popular some time ago. it describes exactly how i felt...

"You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on your face...
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you..."



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james blunt - youre beautiful

that face, that infectious smile...that reckless, ambivalent mind

you told me we'd be together, but that will never be...

as heaven is now the place for you.

ice cream

hi EA!

this one's for you.









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When love is likened to ice cream and chocolate, gratification is instant and intense. And while the experience is fleeting, it brings an emotion that makes you want to taste it over and over again...terribly exhilirating, yet temporary =)

EA, you should know the feeling.

kwentuhang babae

Kaninang umaga...
(text conversation follows)

Jen: "In LIFE, GOD doesn't us the people WE want. Instead, He gives us the people WE need...to TEACH us, to HURT us, to LOVE us, and to make us exactly the WAY WE SHOULD BE!"

Joyce: True! So if we get hurt, we take things with a grain of salt and move on; if we are loved, cherish the person and every moment of it.

Jen: Wehe. gawa mo?

Joyce: Eto, nakahiga, sakit ng ulo ko dahil nagugutom yata ako at mainit pagka gising ko.

Jen: Nakakainip ano? Hay.

Joyce: Oo, lalo na pag walang pera hehehehe...

Jen: Korek. Ang hirap ng pera ngayon, lalo pa ko, ala akong katulong...

Joyce: Pareho tayo. Di bale, pag nakapag asawa ka na, magkakaron ka na ng katulong. Ang tanong e, kelan? Sayang, wala nang eligible sa mga kakilala ko.

Jen: Ahehe. Korek. Sarado na nga ata matres ko e...wahaha

Joyce: Loka. k**s lang ang nagsasara, hindi yan. Kumukunat lang yan...

Jen: Wahaha...whatever. Nakwento ba sa yo ni John? Nakita ko si R***y nung saturday.

Joyce: Di. Sa Festival?

Jen: Yep. Pero di nya ko nakita.

Joyce: Ok. It's good you're over him. Ako naman, me kakwentuhan ako kahapon ng madaling araw. Nakita niya blog ko. Kaso eh, mukhang kaiba ang gusto.

Jen: Ahaha. Prone ka sa mga obssessed ano?

Joyce: Ano fi! Marami yata kasing girls ngayon na ganun lang ang hanap, at marami rin ang matitino kung umasta pero ganun din ang hanap...Punta tayo SM!

Jen: O sige, kita tayo SM.

Joyce: Sige, bihis na ko.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Jen,
God is kind to all those who wait...trust me =) and if you can't wait, continue praying so you don't fall prey to those whose intentions are not as good.

Love you girl!

Joyce

"i am january..."

as i was browsing through the forwarded messages i have in my e-mail the other night, i came across a subject line that says "eow!!!"

usually, i wouldn't pay attention to forwarded messages and, more often than not, would erase them instantly...but this particular subject line caught my discriminating attention. could it be another case of an unknowing insect trapped helplessly in a bowl of sisig meal sold at the loft? or another one of those freaky alterations made on pictures by some curious hi-tech artist using the wonders of adobe?

i opened the message slowly (as i got an icy piercing look from my UM when i opened an e-mail that sounded off like a crazy japanese cartoon when i clicked on it...grrr), and the message read "kung gusto nyo ng pampagising, eto ang tignan nyo..." there were six picture attachments. i opened the first one, and true enough, it awakened the living daylights out of me when a picture of a NAKED 70ish old woman (who looked like a Filipina) popped into view! i thought it was another one of Ka Paulding's creations (doing tricks on pictures), but no man, those do not have alterations on them! imagine that body that looked like skin on a sharpei that needed stretching and ironing! most of her poses were forgiveable as i tried to be open minded about it, but i nearly fell off my chair with this one particular shot that showed her hand on her crotch! i don't have an idea why the hand had to be there, but i have not seen anything that grossed me out the way that that horrendous pose did! one male officemate asked me if i would pose that way out of desperation and given a sizeable amount of tf...i quickly replied, "no way! not even if it will change this country's course of history!" that said, i quickly closed that message and got back to work, trying to erase the horrific image in my head.

so i got home the following morning and, as usual, sat in front of the tv before going to slumber land. i scanned through almost all of the channels until i finally came across the Hallmark Channel. there was an advertisement on the movie Calendar Girls. the preview caught my attention...here's an interesting synopsis of that movie:

"Chris and Annie are the best of friends – very different, but very close. Living in a small village in the Yorkshire Dales, their peaceful lives are shattered when Annie’s husband dies of leukaemia. An active member of the local Women’s Institute, Chris enlists the support of her fellow members in a fund-raising initiative for the local hospital. Her seemingly traditional idea is to produce a calendar, with a different woman photographed for each month. Each one will be engaged in a classic WI task, such as jam making, flower pressing and knitting. Sounds traditional enough, but her idea has a radical twist - the women will be in the nude. Before they know it, the women are hitting the headlines at home and abroad. Whisked off to Hollywood on a whirlwind publicity tour, they take their turn on the talk shows and in magazine photo-shoots. Amidst the hype and glamour, the friendship between Chris and Annie is put to the test."

very creative, isn't it? it's a true to life story and unfortunately, i didn't have the chance to see the movie (as it was shown at night). so i searched the internet for it's webpage and came across the synposis, the photo gallery, video streaming, etc. the movie presented an entirely different facet of how a nude photo of an elderly woman should be looked at and appreciated...here are some of the pictures on the calendar:

"CALENDAR GIRLS is inspired by the British story of the Yorkshire
women who set out to raise money for the Leukaemia Research Fund by posing nude for an alternative Women's Institute calendar. Their courage and chutzpah turned a local story into an international media phenomenon and inspired millions of women worldwide. The calendar girls raised well over half a million pounds and even out sold the Britney Spears Calendar in the United States."

guys, you'd probably agree with me, that these women (and the pictures!) are beautiful, inside and out! i used to dread the idea of gravity taking its toll on me, but after seeing these pictures, (no John, i'm not posing nude for anyone), i somehow felt liberated...free from fearing the inevitable...having a wrinkled, furrowed and sagging body. let's face it, we are candid about facing the three inevitables, but are we ready to accept and let those pass without a nudge and exerting some effort to, at least, deter their eventuality? but then again, look at these women! they did not have to go through painful surgery for these photo shoots...yet, look at the results! this is ART (will you agree with me, Tito Rolly?). the calendar gives us a fresh outlook about aging, getting wrinkled and gray...

now although i couldn't forget those nude pictures of that old lady (talk about visual retention...and yes, I AM VISUAL), i pretty much appreciate the Calendar Girls...now, if and when i reach that age and someone approaches me to pose for something very artistic like this in order to mitigate someone else's suffering or poverty...well...maybe, just maybe...i would consider and say "i am january..."

isang gabi sa beta way

isang sabado...

jon: punta tayo sa UP, mag star gazing tayo!
joyce: hmmm...sige, pero parang wala namang stars eh!
jon: di magpahangin na lang tayo...dun na tayo mag kape.
joyce: (skeptic) mmm...sige...(ano kayang balak ng mokong na to?)

papasok sa UP Diliman...

jon sa UP guard, pagpasok ng UP: boss, studyante po ako dito...
joyce: (eh ano naman ang business mo sa ganitong oras ng gabi?)

jon, matapos magpaikot ikot sa buong UP: dito na lang muna tayo tumigil (sa parking lot sa beta way, bandang alas-10 ng gabi)
joyce: ang dilim dilim naman dito! (palinga linga sa paligid, tinitignan kung ano'ng gagawin nung isang kelot at bebot na naka scooter at naka tambay din sa pagka dilim dilim na parking lot)

maya maya lang, may dumating na pulis ng UP, nagpa-patrol. binuksan ni jon ang bintana.

pulis: mga studyante ba kayo dito? (tunog concerned...)
jon: opo.
pulis, tinaggal sa pagkakatutok ang flashlight na dala: mag iingat kayo dito. di nyo ba alam na may pinatay dito nung kamakailan lang? member yata ng frat.
jon: ah, ganun po ba?
pulis: oo, kaya mag ingat kayo.
jon at joyce: sige po, thank you!

di pa rin natinag si jon. ni-recline pa yung upuan niya, at gusto pa yatang matulog (star gazing pala ha???).

joyce, habang nakatitig sa mga corridors ng engineering building sa tabi ng beta way: jon, tignan mo yon o?!?
jon: ha?!? kanina, yung naka motor, tapos yung sikyo...sino na naman yan? dami namang istor...
joyce: dun o! tumingin ka doon sa corridors!
jon: ha??? ano'ng meron?
joyce: ang daming nag uunahan pumasok sa classrooms!
jon: ha?!? asan???
joyce: mmm...tara na...
jon: ha??? wag na muna, mamaya na...kakarating lang natin dito eh...
joyce: basta!!! halika na! sinabihan na tayo nung pulis na delikado nga dito eh!
jon: bakit??? may nakita kang tao???
joyce: basta!!! alis na tayo!

sa tropical hut...

jon: ano ba yung sinasabi mong nag uunahan pumasok sa classroom?
joyce: multo.

kawawang jon, di naka porma...hehehe...

salamat sa mga multo ng beta way.



para kay kenji,
na inspire ako doon sa isa mong entry, kaya ginawa ito ng malikot kong pag-iisip. salamat!

just like bitter-sweet chocolate...

“I don’t know how it is possible to love two people at the same time...” said the deep, reassuring voice...twelve years ago, I was totally skeptic as I pictured love to be singular, pure and devoted. He told me that I had a special place in his heart, when all the while, at the back of my mind, I didn’t think that I was even worthy of occupying a certain void in a man’s heart. Lust maybe? Could be...but love?

At 23, I wasn’t exactly pretty, but I had quite a following...plain looking, yet robust in appeal...didn’t know much about the world, so the world came to me... I hugged it back...the silent, unassuming aura was a challenge to behold, like a rock smothered and smoothened at the edges by each passing wave...weathered, yet essentially strong.

I never dared ask him, but I thought a choice among the qualities I mentioned could be the reason why he and I stayed on for a couple of years...our love was nothing fancy, nothing formal...a special relationship that celebrated unsaid words like “I need you, stay for even just a while...”, or “I love you, I set you free..." and “I desire you, I understand your needs...” Unconventional, uncommitted...yet there was longing to hold on to each other, and be special friends for the rest of our lives.

At 29, the compelling presence of that 6-ft tall, dark and handsome frame was quite a handful...I used to stare in awe at that steady gait, seamless composure...picture perfect smile =) he was young and intelligent, that at times, it became imperative for people to talk behind him. Why? Because he was a prime mover, a hard-assed young executive who made things happen...

However, beyond the unique mixture of elegance and grunge, there lay a precocious, sensitive and romantic man... my jap-eyed lover who could have been my bridegroom...

I was contented that he was just there, someone whose wisdom inspired me to do better and reach far beyond my limits...someone whose love cannot be solely mine, yet that reality didn't stop me from loving him more...his love was like, inanely put, chocolate...chocolate that’s coating my tongue slowly...distinctly sweet at the tip, and as it runs through the sides, bitter yet, addicting...it was a lovely, carefree feeling...but I knew that it was fleeting, I had to douse myself with cold reality before someone else does it...

I had a perfect excuse, in fact, it was most convenient (that excuse made such an impact in my life, that until now, I find it hard to get up and undo the serious damage it has done, not only to myself, but also to most people I love...I deem not to mention it here as I’d digress sharply). Reckoning day came and I had to tell him...

We were inside his car and just like the heavy downpour outside, my heart welled-up in tears as I told him that I had to go...I thought I was the only one who’d weep...to my surprise, the gorgeous man beside me wallowed in tears! I didn’t think I was worthy, but then again, I took it that he really loved me too...someone actually loved me!

It’s been 10 years or so...I heard how he’s doing well in both his work and his family...I’m sincerely happy that I did what I had to do then...I couldn’t bear the thought that I could have caused him some inconvenience if I continued to cultivate what we had going on years ago. I may not be totally happy with what I have now, but then, happiness comes to those who can totally accept the things one couldn’t change...and make the most out of ugly situations...

I learned from that love of mine that life can’t be all too sweet, right? Just like chocolate, the best ones, for me, are those with a tinge of bitterness...short of...perfect!


To my soulmate:

Honestly, I didn’t know you loved me too...

I had very fond memories of you...

Thank you so much.