buhay call center

i'm sorry, i haven't been blogging for more than a month now. well, aside from being busy preparing docs for my US employment (wow, you won't imagine what sort of stuff i need to prepare for this...my life's pretty colorful, so things can't be too easy for me, right?), i ventured into getting employed at a nearby call center...well, one will never know what the verdict of the consul will be during the interview! gotta have a back up, just in case...di ba?

so, since april 25, i've been working on a grave yard shift...from 8 pm til 4:30 in the morning, manila time. actually, i'm still in the training stage...trying to learn about life and health insurance...(mind you guys, it's not easy as you think it is. learning about how insurance works is heavy on memory work and very much like going back to school and taking quizzes every now and then. that's right...we also have quizzes!). ofcourse, we have to learn about our product first before we start entertaining phone calls...but this is just the tip of the iceberg...

what's really difficult is how to shift your entire biological clock the other way around, and turn your nights into days, and vice versa...i was really surprised when everyone in the building greeted me "good morning!" at 9:00 in the evening! akala ko, nagpapatawa lang! but when i heard the expats saying the same thing at the elevator, i said to myself, "my God...i'm in twilight zone..."

eto ang challenging...e di ba, summer ngayon? (and man, this is the worst summer of my entire life!) have you experienced sleeping during the day, only to wake up sweating profusely and feeling so icky because of the extreme humidity??? ang hirap matulog ulit, di ba? what more if you really don't have a choice coz you have work at night??? wow, i really had to scrimp on my budget and bought myself a new airconditioner!!! dahil kung hindi...mamamatay ako!!! not only because of the excruciating heat, but also because of sleeplessness!

i have never been so health conscious before than now....i've been buying boxes of Stresstabs just to make sure i don't get sick...and just as when i thought that i would lose weight, i'm so darn wrong guys...i eat more often than usual, drink an average of 5 cups of Milo a night (coffee gives me a bad feeling in the stomach...besides, bumabaha ng kape at milo sa call centers hehehe)...and now, i weigh 10 pounds more than i used to!!! GRRRREAT! (talk about losing weight when you don't get enough sleep!)

now since i've been officially employed for a month now, i've adjusted already with this new lifestyle...it gets pretty tough to stay awake on monday evenings though (one has a natural propensity to sleep at night), but i'm getting the hang of it.

and what about the phone calls? i haven't handled a phone call yet, but as they say, i've already "barged" in with an expert...since all of our clients are from mainland USA, then ofcourse, our calls are also 98% from american callers. at this point, what i feel would be difficult in taking the calls (aside from forgetting the proliferation of concepts about the products) is trying to understand different american accents while trying to explain things to an irate caller. there was one call where the only thing i understood was the policy number she gave...and that's it :-( i'm hats off to these guys at the call center coz they can understand practically every kind fo american accent they can hear...and what's even more admirable is the way our Filipino CC specialists converse with these clients...they, too, have the accent!!! many of these callers are amazed when they learn that the assistance they're getting comes from manila! imagine hearing a brown asian speak the way they do! HAH!!! bilib sila, di ba?

haaaaay naku....i have a few more weeks ahead of me before the interview with the US consul...if i get denied for whatever reason, i think, i'd like to stick it out with the call center and give it a shot. people there are nice, a bunch of young and intelligent breed.

as to the question if one can make a career out of this kind of job, i'd say, to the patient and hardworking, yes.

i'm actually feeling sad if let's say i do pass my interview...i've found new friends, really nice ones. but of course, first things first...at this point, there's nothing better than a job abroad, right?

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this is my personal favorite :-)

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Bisitahin nyo kami sa Blogkadahan

tayo'ng mga noy-pi ay likas na pala kaibigan (ang diin ay nasa huling bigkas). nagsisimula sa konsepto ng bayanihan, pakikisama at pagtanaw ng utang na loob, ang pagbuo ng isang grupo o "barkada" ay nagkakaroon ng kahulugan dahil sa pagkakaiba, o pagkapare-pareho ng mga karakter ng mga taong bumubuo nito.

tulad ng aming Blogkadahan. ito ay isang grupo ng mga manunulat ng "blog" o electronic journal, na nagkatipon tipon upang bigyan ng bagong kapahulugan ang konsepto ng pagiging magkakaibigan, pagiging malikhain, pagiging Pinoy.

kung titignan ninyo ang aming webpage, ito'y napagkatuwaang tawaging "The Rebels without Because"...sa Filipino..."mga rebeldeng walang dahilan..." medyo matalinhaga (o malabo ba? hehehe), pero kung ikaw ay isa ring pinoy na manunulat, maiintindihan mo ang ibig sabihin (o ibig na iparating) ng katawagang ito. mapapansin din sa gawing itaas ng webpage ang iba't-ibang klase ng pansapin sa paa (me step-in, bakya, rubber shoes, sosyal na flip-flops), nagdadagdag kulay at nagpapakilala sa mga karakter ng mga contributors nito. hindi nyo na itatanong, ang pinaka bata sa amin ay edad 22... ang pinaka matanda naman ay...u-hurm! (ubo...ubo...ubo...)

kami ay binubuo ng mga pinoy na mula pa sa iba't ibang panig ng mundo (Manila, Singapore, USA, Canada, Belgium, Germany, New Zealand, Japan at England). iba't iba rin ang aming mga karera sa buhay, kung kaya't ito'ng site na ito ay masasabing "melting pot", bagama't pare-pareho ang dugong nanalaytay sa aming mga ugat (minsan nga lang, nagkakaiba sa kulay...me bughaw at kadalasan...me berde...bukod sa pula, siyempre!).

ngayon, kung gusto niyong matawa...o di kaya naman, eh maiyak...(pero kadalasan, matatawa ka sa paglalaro ng mga salita), bisitahin nyo kami sa

kita kits tayo! =)

*button courtesy of Ms. Sassy

PS. gusto nyo bang makita si Darna? punta kayo dito =)

A Eulogy to Raymund A. Briones

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
May the name of the Lord be praised."

Job uttered these words after he received news of the loss of all his earthly possessions, including the lives of his children. Immensely enthused by this passage, Ray aimed to maintain a happy mortal life that he acknowledged as a gift from God. In all of his days, at least when he's become aware of the greatness of God, he had the positive disposition of a child...no amount of tribulation weighed him down. Of course, he was only human. When he was hurt, he also cried out in pain. Nonetheless, just like Job, he remained steadfast in the belief that God, in all His glory, is over and above all things known to man...be it anguish or grandeur, the Lord Almighty never forsaked him.

I am compelled to say this, before anything else, because let it be known to all those who will read this, that Ray was a very good man. He may not be perfect and had his weaknesses too, but at the end of the day, as he loved God so much, he bowed down before Him in prayer for enlightenment and forgiveness.

I had the privilege to know some things about the man, those which he voluntarily shared with me, in varied aspects of his life. Other people, who are more significant than I am, may have things to say that extend far beyond those which he made known to me. I'd like to write about those things that affected me most as one of those whose lives he touched in more ways than one.

As our school administrator, Sir Ray was the epitome of a genuine Lasallian leader. Streamlining a number of things here and there within the school's system, his excellent management skills, coupled with dedicated adherence to Lasallian ideals, made him the most loved administrator (as far as I know and am concerned) in the history of De La Salle Zobel.

But why was he loved really?

Sir Ray was a compassionate leader. During his time, a number of mishaps marked that school-year the most trying in the history of DLSZ's existence as an institution. Just to give you an idea, it was the year that one of my students died in an accident (see my blog A Reason to Change). After that fateful day, everyone expected the worst to happen. Aside from the general feeling of grief over my student's demise, the entire school community felt anxious to know how the new EVP will resolve the situation. Will he decide with a cold heart and announce a most harrowing decision?

I wouldn't have written this if he did =)

We have proven ourselves wrong. According to a very reliable source, Mr. Briones decided to do "what is most Christian". He kept this in mind in all of the things that happened that year, including that accident. I did not get the chance to know straight from him how he decided on certain things, but one thing's for sure...everyone got their second shot at proving their worth as true proponents of the Lasallian charism. He once told me that "there is innate goodness in every person...everyone deserves a second chance." What character! What immense kindness!

As a family man, Sir Ray loved his children, his parents, and his siblings dearly. I learned about this during my first encounter with him. It was during our faculty retreat that he visited as our school head. There was an activity where we were asked to sit and form a big circle. The chair beside me was empty, and so he sat there to join us. We were told to count in two's, so that he and I became partners. The facilitator gave a word with which we were tasked to form a sentence, a statement that should introduce one's self to his/her partner. The word given to us was the word HAPPY. He said, "I am happy whenever I'm with my family." Having known him after some time, I learned what he really meant by that, when at first I thought of it as a bit trivial. I had the privilege to learn more about his family life and I am grateful that he trusted me with it. I know how much he treasured and cared for his parents, how he looked forward to weekends to spend time with his children, and how proud he was for such great siblings. If he can be faulted for something, it was in making a choice to remain a gentleman to the very end.

As a person, Ray was one of the most amiable that I've ever met. Coupled with that ready smile, his positive aura and handsome bedimpled face was an outright assurance that life's difficult moments are fleeting. Seeing him in campus wearing that smile worked wonders on an otherwise stressful day. He was a wonderful person and unfortunately, not everyone knew about it. During that brief encounter that I had with his mom at his wake, she mentioned that she and her family were surprised at the turn out of people who came to pay their last respects for him. He had a multitude of friends that his family never imagined him to have. They never knew his "other side", not until that day at his funeral. Men found in him a great fellow who leveled with them, no matter who they are. (Ray once told me that as a young brother, he loved the feeling of being able to mingle with the older and more knowledgeable ones, so that he learned from the way they taught and dealt with the less experienced ones. It was a lesson of humility that he was shown, and that which he remembered in dealing with others.) On the other hand, women found him very charming, witty and fascinating. Children and students found a good friend and confidante in him. To me, he was enigmatic, precocious, but strikingly senstive and warm.

As a friend, Ray taught me that life is worth living. I've had an ample share of difficult times, and all he had to say were words of encouragement, appreciation and support. I didn't think I was worthy of such support, as I myself often doubted my decisions (my ex-husband often made me feel that I was wrong, never astute and capable of making sound decisions). But Ray showed me otherwise. He shunned at those who wronged me, not only because we're friends, but also because he always had the right explanation to the way people should think. At times, we'd make up secret names for people we both know and end up laughing as if we didn't care if the world ended that day. Whenever I was down, he'd speak with fire and vindicate my position, stating fallacies in latin...and i'll find myself trying to understand in vain what he meant to say... when all he'd say in the end is, "this, too, shall pass..."

Mitch Albom said that "there are no random acts. We are all connected. You can no longer separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind..." I will not end this tribute without saying that he dearly loved DLSZ, and how he connected to each and everyone of us. We were blessed to have experienced his wonder for one school-year and, indeed, it left special memories amongst all of us. Below is an excerpt of his speech during the turnover ceremony held July of last year. It is proof of the love that he had for the school, and was so sorry to have professed only on that day.

"...it’s truly nice to be back again even for just a short time.
I guess, as far as De La Salle Zobel is concerned, one year was really more than
enough for me to fall in love not only with the place, but also with the people—with you.

And when I look back in hindsight, the school year that was, and as I view in my
mind each event that happened in a sort of slow-motion—I can only smile and say with
utmost honesty and sincerity: It was a great year—it was the best that I have had in years— and definitely, no regrets..."

"My Lord:
I am thankful that I don't have everything I desire.
If I did, what would there be to look forward to?

I am thankful when I don't know something,
for it gives me the opportunity to learn.

I am thankful for the difficult times.
During those times I truly grow.

I am thankful for my limitations,
because they give me opportunities for improvement.

I am thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build my strength and character.
I am thankful for my mistakes. They will teach me very valuable lessons.

I am thankful when I’m tired and weary,
because it means I've made a difference.

Lord, it is easy to be thankful for the good things,
But I also know that a life of rich fulfillment comes to those
who are also thankful for the setbacks, for the trials, and for the tribulations..."

In Mitch Albom's The Five People you Meet In Heaven, he said, "...fairness does not govern life and death. If it did, no good person would ever die young. Death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else. And in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed..."

Ray's passing away is certain to bring a lot of changes in people whose lives he's touched. In my case, unknowingly he taught me Job's and St. La Salle's charism. He lived these beliefs, that God knows He had a good and hard working steward in Sir Ray. Bro. Ceci Hojilla, FSC, witnessed him as "God's gift to us!" I've seen God's miracle at work, and it was he. For *"it is when we're torn apart that we become REAL. It is when we become real, that we are truly LOVED. " Sir Ray basked in this wisdom...and truly, he was loved!

It was a beautiful experience to have known you, Sir. It's time you went home.


*from the Velveteen Rabbit

The great american dream...or is it?

last february 9, i received word that i got selected for a teaching job in virginia beach city. my initial reaction was..."ok...so what happens next?" yeah, i felt...okay. contented that i finally got an answer after waiting for more than 3 months in a row. the news also, somehow, gave me a reassurance that i'm still doing well in this profession. only five teachers, out of more than a thousand applicants, were selected from three major cities within the country.

and so what now?

i wasn't ecstatic because of a couple of reasons:
1) since i'm going there on my own, i'll have to leave my daughter behind...with her dad. it poses a great risk on my part to be "en absencia" while my 9-yr old needs a mother to be with her. i must admit...i am threatened by the idea that she just might forget about me...forget about her love for me...

2) i am penniless...and what's worse? i have to depend on my daughter's dad for financial assistance...

darn.

the weekend passed and, as usual, i spent it with my daughter...i broke the news to her and she was so glad that i made it...all the more that i wanted to spend the whole time just hugging her and kissing her, exchanging stories about her friends and my (mis)adventures with men who make "porma" (oh yeah! can't carry that alias for nothing!). but time flies so fast and in no time, the weekend retreat with my one and only loved one is over...

monday came and i received news that the school who will be hiring me will pay the agent's fees that would amount to a hefty $4,500! whoa! i was astounded! not too many teachers get the same privilege! in that euphoric state, i literally dropped down on the floor like a rag doll, trying to feel the thump as i landed on my butt...was i dreaming? i couldn't believe what i just heard! and when i was finally sure that i wasn't simply imagining things, i let out a soft scream (heheheh...yes, you know what i mean ^-^). then it dawned on me...my God is so good, He knows exactly what's in my heart.

i took this as a sign that my God really wants me to take this opportunity, to see and welcome the fact that i've been "down" for so long now, that He's giving me this chance to start anew. "...when you're down, there's no other way to go but up..." says my friend. i thought that the distance between me and my daughter will be temporary as i promised to come back for her. i thought that i have to sacrifice a bit for a greater cause (my ex was diagnosed to have cancer of the parotid gland in 1999 and is currently on remission. being the other parent, it's my responsibility to prepare for my daughter's future if in case her dad suffers a recurrence.). life would certainly be not easy when you're alone, but realities and entanglements of it should serve as inspiration to go on and do better!

is this the fulfillment of the great american dream? i'd say yes, but a greater part of me says no. when a filipino teacher leaves her country, it is not because she's lost her sense of nationality and service to her fellow countrymen...to her, *teaching minds, touching hearts and transforming lives remains her overriding concern...to feed her family and ensure a brighter future for them, however, is equally paramount...it's in our nature...i hope no one argues with that.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my plans are clearer now...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i'm not worried anymore that my daughter will forget about me...
she took nourishment from me and breathed the same air i breathed
when she was inside me...
no one can change that...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i will miss my students...specially those who left special imprints in my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*a Lasallian teacher's creed

(my) 10 sexiest men

i visited ja's blog the other week, and i really went kilig over one of her entries on her list of 10 sexiest men.

well ja, here's my own version...i enjoyed doing this =)



#10 sting...his real name, gordon matthew sumner...he's a teacher and the best bassist who can lead sing...i'm practically obssessed by him.


#9 nicholas cage...i wish i'd wake up one morning with those eyes lovingly gazing at me...haaaay


#8 will smith... gorgeous, relentlessly funny!


#7 our former evp, mr. raymund briones...charming smile, impeccable wit, enigmatic


#6 gilbert remulla's undeniably pleasing, on and off the screen...simply dashing!


#5 with or without the long blonde hair, orlando bloom's fascinating!


#4 van leaño's my student last year...one of our school's smashers...smart and debonair


#3 ah...witty, charming...that's my tito!...swerte ni korina =)


#2 cute smile, nice voice...perfect behind =)


#1 need i say more?

Tonight I can Write - a reflection on Pablo Neruda's work

by: Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, 'The night is starry and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

there are nights really, that even when the sky is clear and the stars are out, a certain feeling of sadness envelopes me...it's the feeling of emptiness and being alone when a moonlit sky like that should be viewed upon by lovers intertwined in a sweet embrace.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

yes, inasmuch as i can still feel the hurt and misery he gave me, i loved him...and sometimes, i felt that he loved me, too...he's a workahalic and dearly loved his profession...he's responsible (ah, no question about that!) and there was always food on the table. but that's all he did...his work, his parents and his other one were all that mattered to him...he forgot that he had a wife, too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.

I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.

How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

our marriage lasted for a good nine years...but only because i chose to stay. the last 5 years i slept alone, hugged only the softness of the pillows beside me...unfortunately, the pillows never hugged back...and only the cold concrete wall stared back as i cried through those nights.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.

And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.

The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing.

In the distance.My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

it's been a while since i left his house. the first few days, i felt triumphant, that finally i succeeded in leaving him...that finally, i had the strength to say "no more"...however, the years that i spent with him, no matter how excruciating, somehow left a loving imprint carved deep within me. yes, he's hurt me so...but he'll stay with me for until when, i don't know.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.

My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.

We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.

My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

i can still hear the priest's voice telling us during our canonical interview that when a man and a woman are joined in marriage, they're no longer two different people...they become one in the union made by God, though their individualities still kept intact. he probably sacrificed part of his individuality, inasmuch as i also did. although i felt that i sacrificed more of mine than he, the dictates of love was there...i didn't ask for more than he could show. and no matter how undemonstrative he was, i clutched unto hope that he probably loved me, too.

Another's. She will be another's.

As she was before my kisses. Her voice, her bright body.

Her infinite eyes.

another's...i can't speak of what has happened, but nevertheless, i have let it happen. i didn't fight for what was mine...for i also felt that we're no longer meant for each other.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.

Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer

and these the last verses that I write for her.

memories are what we make of these relationships...we gain love, we lose love...we get hurt, we feel pain, we fight back...we exult in victory, be resilient in defeat...all these...all these we can suffer and survive...they'll all pass, but memories will stay behind.

To the man i loved, thank you for these memories. i shall hold on to them even when...i become another's.

Bloggers get together!

Whenever an individual finds the mood to write, it’s basically due to some inspiration drawn from experience. Therefore, a journal (or a blog, at that) represents very intimate details about its writer. It exudes a whole gamut of ideas and gut-level personal insights which consequently render its reader to “feel” for the writer. Here, one realizes that even without seeing the writer in person, an intimate relationship, a connection, a bond ensues even in the absence of personal contact.

Last night was special :) Both writers and readers, who also alternate as pundits, had the chance to get together for a party! (Thanks to the proponents: Ms. Sassy and Yuga. Mabuhay kayo!) Needless to say, due to this so-called “intimate” relationship, it wasn’t difficult to mingle with a bunch of “strangers”, who are strangers only because most of them are known to us by their pseudonyms! Brilliant and audacious writers spoke of the mundane and humdrum…very down-to-earth…very friendly :) (Well, I had to make an explanation for not being able to write and comment for the past so many number of months. Now that I’ve resolved to be back, I’d see to it that I’ll have something to share, at least, once a week.)

The get together has signaled the start of a better relationship between the blogger and the reader. Although distanced by cyberspace, we now get to appreciate the persons behind the blog much more than ever.

Hats off to Ms. Sassy and Yuga! We look forward to another one like this :)

mahal mo siya, mahal niya'y iba...

Eto na naman itong ganitong klaseng kwento...kwento ng mahal mo siya, mahal niya'y iba.

Sabi nga dun sa isang soap, pwede namang magmahal, kahit hindi siya ang iyong nakakatuluyan. Sa totoo lang, masasabi mo lang yan, pag alam mong deep in your heart, this person feels something for you too, whether it's love or hate, there are some feelings for you, di ba? (hehehe parang malabo yung hate...but no! it only means kung hate ka niya, it's temporary and just find a way to reconcile!)

Sabi dun sa movie ng mga bagets (yeah right! baduy na kung baduy, di ko ikinahihiyang nanood ako ng Bcuz Of U! hehehe...cute yung movie ha?), tawag sa ganitong mga tao ay LOSER, o sadyang PATHETIC!

Does one really have to spread himself/herself so thinly, just to catch this person's attention? I believe that one only becomes a loser when he/she doesn't do anything at all!!! Mygas! Gone are those days na uupo ka lang at maghihintay! Anong hihintayin mo? Even when pigs can fly, hinding hindi ka papansinin ng mahal mong kaibigan kung tatayo ka lang na parang tuod, at hihintayin mong pansinin ka (buti pa nga yung puno, tinatabihan) you have to make an effort to make this person realize that you're worth his/her while.

However, your problem sets in when he/she claims to be in love with someone else...mahal mo siya, mahal niya'y iba (aduuuy!!!) *sob*

I used the word "claim" coz hanggat di pa nakakasal yang si irog mo sa honey niya, ambivalent pa rin yan! Meron nga diyang mahigit 5 taon nang mag-on... Ayun! Hanggang dun na lang pala and they split!(ooops! Pasintabi po!). Dahil ang totoo, sa paniwala ko, ang puso na marunong magmahal ay MAARING magmahal ng di lang iisang tao. But of course, one of the greatest means of showing true love is through loyalty...great love, immense sacrifice!

Ngayon, di ko sinasabing tamang mang agaw ng girlfriend o boyfriend ng iba ha! (At lalong lalo na, yung mangolekta ng bf/gf!...hmp!!!) Bad yun ha?!?!?! Pero, pag napansin ka niya (because of who you are), at nagkataong ang napansin niya ay qualities na gusto niya, that's where friendship starts (huh??? friends lang?!?...hehehe...for starters, yes!)

E pano kung friends na talaga kayo? Mmmm... kung talagang mahal mo, e di, just be there for him/her...as a true friend! someone who's sweet and understanding... someone who can give sound advice...a shoulder to lean and cry on... the usual stuff para sa mga martir ;p masamang mang agaw!!! hehehe ;p pasasaan pa yan, malay mo, mapansin ka rin...

E pano kung talagang sinabi sa yo na "sorry talaga, but i can't imagine being romantically involved with you...(ouch!)" well, kung talagang sila, sorry tsong/tsang, talagang sila. Kung hindi naman, a twist of fate may still happen (hope springs eternal!) ...pero wag mong ipagdarasal na di sila magkatuluyan o di kaya'y gayumahin mo! (tsk, tsk, tsk...me kilala ako'ng ganyan...buti na lang, di siya blogger... hehehe) ;p Sounds martir, but a relationship that is half-baked is
unlikely to be successful.

Cheer up guys! Chances are, someone's looking at you, too! Masyado ka lang busy at di mo na napapansin, o pinapansin! (minsan naman kasi, talagang walang dating eh!) So who says you're
a loser? Pathetic? Nah!!! Just perfectly in love! ;p

"Love and light!"

in recluse

I had to forgo blogging for half a year for a couple of reasons...
1) i've been back to the normal grind...schoolwork for this year is relatively heavy due to a number of good reasons; and
2) i wanted to refrain from saying anything that will certainly be used against me, and thereby, tarnish my reputation as an educator.

Anyway, i'm back, and that's all that matters...

and to whoever feels happy or slighted in whatever i write here, well...as my favorite principal would put it, "if the hat fits, wear it!"

wish ko lang...

that pretty woman holding me is one of my best friends and ninang. she's one person whom i really, really look up to coz she's done a lot of remarkable things in life that somehow inspire me to do my best as a person. she's a music-piano teacher (i can still hear her voice, yelling at me from 50 meters away, "you're hitting the wrong note!!!" ULIT!!!), a singer (well, although she may have sang only for relatives), life of the party, a perennial jester, a connoiseur in the kitchen, a wife...a loving mother...all rolled into one. she went through a lot in life, and since she's basically a very jolly person (whose raucous laughter used to awaken the sleepy and quiet neighborhood in their street in pandacan...she probably does until now in hayward), she's shown us how strong she is in the face of adversary, was able to weather all storms in her life (well, almost)and emerged as a person of great personality!...warm, very level-headed, very understanding, versatile...very smart!

i may have not said this yet, but ninang, thank you so much for the friendship, the love, the undying support...everything! i've been truly remiss at writing...heto pambawi ko sa yo!

God bless you always and goodluck to grandmotherhood! hehehe... Happy Birthday!

happy father's day, dad!

if i'm not mistaken, this picture was taken shortly after my first birthday (as evidenced by the dick tracy gadget on my lap, the ugly duckling and the pooch that seemed to have gotten it's looks after the duckling...and the time date stamped on the picture). by the yellowing of the picture's paper, you can just imagine how long ago this was taken...hehehe (to give you an idea, it was shortly after apollo 11 came back after it's mission to the moon) and the guy over there behind me (don't you think he looks like...lagalag? hehehe), ofcourse, is my dad! well, i was daddy's little girl...we do have a lot of other pictures like this until i was around 5 years old...that's when we left quezon city and decided to stay here in las piñas...he became a lot busier that time, kaya kumonti ang lakwatsa days namin...but nontheless, i appreciate the wisdom of this old man...makulit minsan, but a lot of the things he's told me were those which i never heard from any of my friends up to this day...thanks dad...thank you so much for that eclectic wisdom that you never fail to impart...thank you for picking me up whenever i stumbled...thank you for putting up with mom's quirks (and staying in that marriage for the longest time)...thank you for staying at home, doing the household work for us when mom had the chance to work...thank you for welcoming me back home, dad...happy father's day :)

of weddings...and sayings

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...things that a bride-to-be would gather (as per instruction from old ladies in the family) for this much awaited occasion...her wedding day. If I may recall, since my wedding was to take place in Intramuros, Manila, anticipating traffic congestion, I dressed up in a room at the Manila Hotel just so to avoid having to make my groom wait. I was sort of nervous that day, but somehow, things were pretty much hassle-free. After dressing up and posing for video (that seems to have take an eternity), I went down to the lobby, half expecting the scene that I would create with that 6-ft train of beaded satin trailing behind me. True enough, there was a crowd of tourists, mostly Asians, who gathered at the reception area...The camera man took a few pictures as I glided across the hall. I knew that everyone's eyes were on me ;-) I felt like cinderella who's about to ride her pumpkin carriage. And then, I heard it...a reverberating applause from the foreign guests! I smiled back as I saw them nod in approval of the mystique walking past them...there it was, my 30-second claim to limelight!

Today, as I traipse down memory lane, all these things have become part of a fairytale that ended years ago...in fact, it ended just a week after my wedding day. No regrets though...for whatever it's worth, having lived and learned the hard way has shaped me (i think) into a better person...better, not necessarily wiser (i still stumble and feel idiosyncratic at times...I know there's still a lot more in life to learn about), but a lot better in the sense that I've discovered myself as to the things that I'm capable of doing...I've learned to love myself!

A wedding is just the start of a colorful, adventurous life. These i learned: something old - what you are willing to give-up for that one person you love; something new - the things that you are willing to go through with your loved one, no matter what; something borrowed - your spouse...borrowed-to-own-eventually...keep in mind that he's not from your side of the family...his values are different from that of yours...learn to compromise; something blue - your life will turn blue, the magic will be gone, if you don't know how to take care of your man...well, mine is a different story :)

In conclusion, i'd keep these things in mind...just in case i get to wear that ecru gown...again!

they came...and they went

This was taken during the intramurals last school-year...they are just few among the many pretty faces in my class Sr-D...i'll miss you guys!

a reason to change

it's been raining incessantly the entire day...rainy days bring in sad emotions...usually, that is...but today, i didn't feel quite that way...i started my morning with a warm tumbler of cafe latte at starbucks (what with 300 bucks left in my wallet! hehehe...the Lord provides!) while i waited for Abbey to come...

Abbey and I went to the Kerygma Feast of Bo Sanchez...three things i learned from Bo today...1) to own up to my behaviour and its consequences...stop blame, own up, and change my life...2) find a gut-level reason for change...yes, my God knows what it is and He provides the plan for me...and 3) do something new!...yes, that's exactly what i'm gonna do...10 years of simply waiting is enough...i have to move on and be a better person for my God...

hmmm...change...it's a beautiful word that i've been hearing for days now...from Bro. Ceci, to Shrek, and now, Bo...i want to change myself, the course of my life, because God might not recognize me when it's time for me to face Him...

but guess what? morbid as it may sound, but change is what Mcsi did for me...his death came as a jolt as it suddenly ended a life with a lot of promise...i thought really hard at why did it have to be me, when there are other teachers in school? why did God choose me?...

as days went on, things began to unfold...mcsi's death brought me to experience new relationships which opened my eyes to reality...reality that somehow got distorted due to my passivity...but not anymore...

thank you Mcsi, my sweet guardian angel, my soulmate...you made things happen for me...your demise, though hurtful and untimely, has brought me hope to do better as a person...thank you dear...i miss you so...

takes my breath away

this is a beautiful song that patti sang during the concert...incidentally, the song is also called the "pacey and joey" song of dawson's creek...it was the first time that i heard them sing it, and right away, i fell in love with it...i downloaded a version from my napster and played the song over and over again...

a while ago, around 9:30, a very good friend of mine called me up, sounding very ecstatic...as usual, girl talk...while talking, i brought the wireless phone near the computer's speakers, and i let her listen to the music i was playing. almost instantly after the song, she fell in love with it...in fact, she was mesmerized by the golden voice of patti, and tuck's exquisite plucking! the song reminded her of the date she had today...and she told me this:

"...i went to bed with him, knowing that he doesn't have feelings for me...well, nothing more of a friend...but you know why? because i love him in all of his beauty...i love him unconditionally...should his memory fail him and forget about me, i have decided to gather memories of him...up until when, i don't know...in the end, that's everything i can own of him...nothing but memories"

for this gentleman, whoever you are...this is your song...

TAKES MY BREATH AWAY

Sometimes, it amazes me
How strong the power of love can be.
Sometimes you just take my breath away.
You watch my love grow like a child,
Sometimes gentle and sometimes wild.
Sometimes you just take my breath away.
And it's too good to slip by, it's too good to lose,
Too good to be there just to use. I
'm gonna stand on a mountaintop and tell the news,
That you take my breath away.

Your beauty is there in all I see,
And when I feel your eyes on me, oooh,
Don't you know you just take my breath away.
'Say, my life is yours, my heart will be
Singing for you eternally.
Oh, don't you know you just take my breath away.

'Say, it's too good to slip by, and it's too good to lose,
Too good to be there just to use.
I'm gonna stand on a mountaintop and tell the news,
That you take my breath away.

Sometimes, it amazes me
how strong the power of love can be.
Ooooh, don't you know you just take my,
take my breath away.
Oh, my life is yours, my heart will be
Singing for you eternally.
Ooooh, don't you know you just take my,
take my breath away.
'Say, it's too good to slip by, and it's too good to lose,
Too good to be there just to use.

I'm gonna stand on a mountaintop and tell the news,
That you take my breath away. Hmmmm.....

Love Without Conditions - Benediction

There is only One Son of God
and You are He.

From Him, you receive.
To Him, you give.

When you look at yourself,
may you remember.

When you look at your brother,
may you also remember.

When you look away in fear,
remember only this:

Subject and Object,
Lover and Beloved,

are not two,
but one and the same.

What you give and
what you receive

are reflectionsof each other.
~Paul Ferrini

solitude

when the night is calm...

and the birds are asleep...

trees bow and stars shine,

in solitude, i weep...

for that is the time i most think of you.

jersey girl

oh, this is a movie i've seen twice, two days in a row...this is the 3rd time in my entire life that i sought to watch a movie again (first time was for the movie Zapped!...and 2nd was for My Best Friend's Wedding...i wonder why...).

it's a touching story of a man (Ben Affleck) whose wife (whom he loved dearly despite her quirks) passed away after giving birth to his one and only daughter...but i will not write about the story of this man in relation to his daughter...i wish to write about his eccentric love interest, the girl who worked at the video shop (Liv Tyler)...

funny how they got to know each other...ben was in the video shop with his daughter...he sneaked out a porn video, tried to hide it from his daughter, and finally, checked it out with no other than the shop manager played by liv...liv questioned his "borrowing practices" as she claimed to be a graduate student who's doing a paper on "porn borrowing practices of men"...she invited ben to an interview just so she can have inputs on her paper...in the process, she discovered that ben has not had sex for the past 7 years! she took pity on him and casually invited him to have sex in his house! although a bit hesitant, ben agreed to the generous "offer"...boy, wasn't he depraved! as they got into the house, they undressed each other on the way to the bedroom, started kissing intensely and groping for each other's body parts, when suddenly, ben's daughter came home from school!..the two went inside the bathroom, closed the shower curtain, and pretended to be taking a bath...eventually, the girl caught them (there's really nothing you can hide from these little adults...)...

though liv played an eccentric and overly assertive young woman, there was a part in the movie when she casually faced the man, withheld her true feelings for him (she told him that it was just a "mercy job" she did, and that it was plain and casual sex...no feelings involved...)...as soon as she was alone, she found herself crying bitterly, letting out emotions that only she could understand at that point in time...tsk, tsk...i'm afraid, i've been in and out of that kind of situation too...trying to hide any sign of vulnerability in the face of a potential love interest...

to all the men out there: women do not engage in sex just because...sex is never just a physical activity meant to satisfy hormonal uproar...no matter how casual it may seem, women can't settle for "wham, bam,thank you ma'am!"...women will always refer to "it" as intimacy, not just sex...the difference is in the involvement of emotions in the former that can even result to love...unfortunately, not too many men are aware of this...the average Juana will still opt to cry in silence...

what am i driving at?

men, please treat your women with respect...emotions will always tag along, no matter what you say...it's like a curse that we, women, cannot do away with...so the tendency is to get hurt most of the time...all the time...so please, never think of sex as a casual undertaking, a boost to one's ego, or simply a time to scratch an itch given a favorable time, place...and partner.

tuck & patti LIVE!

after several attempts of asking people to tag along with me to watch the tuck & patti concert, finally, by sheer accident (thanks to blogger.com!), i found someone who's equally dying to find someone to accompany him...sir rolly :)

this is what i've been waiting for...i've been a fan for 11 years now, and there was never a time that i found remakes to be more beautiful than the original...the all time favorite TIME AFTER TIME, an original by cyndi lauper, was reinvented by this duo some 11 years ago...and this time, they've come up with a not so similar version, but nontheless, equally beautiful...who says a last-song-syndrome is annoying? not when you sing the way patti would...

last night's performance was utterly magnificent! tuck's performance was breathtaking! the way he strummed and plucked would make one imagine of a guiter with strings set wide apart...each and every single note struck with extreme clarity, you'd think he's some sort of a demigod! he played like a string quartet, only there was just the sound of one guitar that filled the theater with awesome acoustic melody. when he strummed and tapped away on his guitar with his own rendition of EUROPA, for a while there, i forgot that Carlos Santana even existed! sir rolly's nagging question was..."is he human?" hahahaha! well, that fleshy but firm handshake must have answered him alright!

Patti's voice was soulful and soooo soothingly beautiful that when she sang I Was Born To Love You, someone from the audience proposed marriage to his companion! It was indeed a romantic evening...each song beguiled couples to snuggle, share a shawl in a cold and rainy night...hehehe...good thing that sir rolly's a gentleman...that even when he was sooo darn freezing, he just tugged on the other end of my shawl which i offered him to share :)

oh well...i hope to see the duo again perform live...this time, in San Francisco!

maiden voyage

it's been quite a while since i finally resolved to write a blog...again...but have not really found the right motivation to do it...i guess, there are just too many significant things that have happened recently that i couldn't help but sit down and start typing along.

today, i woke up this morning, feeling so heavy, as i was burdened with guilt for hurting a good friend's feelings...why? i have questioned his integrity as a friend when all this time, he has shown nothing but kindness and respect...i guess it all stemmed out from the fact that he never disclosed to me what his true intentions were...at least, not in a concise manner...

what was my issue?..i didn't know what his intentions were in wanting to have an immigrant's status in the US...i've offered to extend a little privilege to him, expecting nothing in return, just so he will be able to experience this "new life" that he's been longing for in a foreign land...i offered to help because i care for him...

anyway, since i knew that what i did was something really, really bad (dahil hindi pa raw ipinapanganak ang taong makakapikon sa kanya...so, i guess, i took the first shot at it), i apologized through text (texting can be sooo annoying because of the absence of real emotions...yet, the filipino race seems to be so dependent on it)...hiyang-hiya ako...and he replied: "...hi! gud morning! it's not that i dont want to go, di ba i said i'm 95% sure (yeah right!). kaya lang i felt sa txt mo that u'r not clear abt my intentions & that i may jst be using u. i dont want u to entertain thos thots kc it wil jeopardize our friendshp kaya i said wag na lang. yun lang naman. but if dat's not wat u meant & it was meant to be in jest, then cge let's continue. di ba? unles ikaw yung nagbago?..."

well, although i felt better after reading that, i still prodded him to tell me honestly if he's sure that there were no more hard feelings for me...and he assured me that "...when a friend apologizes to me, i hav no reason 2 question her/his sincerity..." after that, i felt so good i was smiling the entire day!

my friend Martin (not his real name) is the epitome of a real gentleman...the things that he said to me today, are all reflective of a person who's nature is to nurture...

i'm happy to have known Martin as he gives me a new perspective in life...now, i'm starting to believe that not all men are jerks...that there is still innate goodness in most people...that it is alright to go out and start trusting men again...that it is not alright to settle for just anything, specially if it is so obnoxious, thinking that getting used to it is a normal part of living...something obnoxious is bad enough...to think that it's alright to have it just because one is obliged to have or live with it, is simply preposterous! i am happy to have met Martin...i liken myself to a ship that's about to sail for the first time...it's maiden voyage...i'm going to sail on through life with a vision in mind and heart that i can redeem myself and do better as a person...new life is about to berth and i'm rarin' to go on board :)